“Is there a reason why?”
I shrugged, not trying to formulate a response. The words would be impossible to find, so why bother?
“You are a confusing being,” Kal remarked.
His words stabbed a needle into my chest. My grandparents’ voices invaded my mind, calling me odd, impossible, annoying, stupid, and all other manner of words.
A soft touch drew me out of the past and to the present. Kal asked, “Did I say something wrong?”
“No.” I moved my hand out from beneath his. “It’s all fine.”
“You know you can speak freely with me, correct?”
“I know.”
When the door closed behind Kal, I moved to the couch and threw the ball for Lucy. She scrambled after it and brought it back. Over and over again, I tossed the squishy ball with glitter strands as my thoughts circled Kal’s words. Soon his words were joined by my grandparents’. They had called me many names—none pleasant.
“NAID,” I said, needing a distraction.
“Seth, are you ill? Do you require medical attention?”
“N-no. Why?”
“You are a shade paler than normal and your heart rate is elevated.”
I had no response. I wasn’t sick in the traditional sense. In a way, I was homesick, not for Earth, but for a place that no longer existed. A time before my grandparents or any of the hurtful things in my life. The glow of my mother and the minuscule apartment kitchen.
“Wyn, the drakcol I consulted about my name, has been asking about my selection process,” she said randomly.
“And?”
“I don’t have one. I haven’t found any parameters to narrow the search. How can I? There are many names with beautiful meanings. Dr. Qinlin and the other scientists haven’t given their opinions, but they keep asking questions.”
“Like what?” I asked, pulling a knee up and folding it under me.
“What I am feeling or thinking. They will summon me at the most random times and ask. Most of the time I don’t know how to respond. How do you know what you’re feeling?”
“I usually don’t.”
“So this is normal?”
“As normal as being alive is.”
She beamed. “So I’m like everyone else?”
“Yep.”
“It’s confusing why that makes me happy yet makes me feel insulted at the same time. How am I to understand emotions if they are like this?”
“Welcome to being alive.”
I stepped into the atrium and took a deep lungful of clean air. Plants were the most peaceful things in the universe. Winding among the paths, I searched for Pimtimzol and found him near the hull in a secluded corner on the second floor. His shears clipped the ever-growing vines, and he placed the cuttings in a basket along with some wilted blooms.
“How goes your mating, Kalvoxrencol?”
The last few days had been steadily improving. Though Seth remained distant, a flickering flame of hope burned in my chest. I lowered to the ground and vines squished against my back. “It’s going.”
“Bonding often does that. Sometimes it’s joyous, others sad, and a large portion is simply existing. Are you two simply existing?”
