“I don’t understand,” I said.
Urgg swung a wooden club that used to be a plastic pole at a pot with a scream. The pot shattered, sending shards all over the sandy ground. They set the head of the club on the ground and leaned on it.
“I come here when I’m angry and have no outlet. Barbarus are a violent species, but we’ve found ways to combat it, usually through rigorous training and exercise, hunting, or mock fights. Here or in other places Talvax has been assigned, I don’t have that. So I developed this program. I come here, break shit, and scream.”
Urgg handed me the club. “No one can hear you besides me, and I won’t judge you. Let it all out.”
My fingers tightened around the weapon. I could feel the plastic stick, but it looked like a wooden club with metal spikes. Swinging the club like a baseball bat, I smacked a pot, whichshattered into thousands of pieces. Panting, I looked at the broken pot, then yelled as I smacked another one, “Fuck Kal.”
“Stupid yeast that won’t rise. I shall defeat you and give Talvax the softest bread,” Urgg screamed before hitting another pot.
I raised my eyebrows, but if Urgg wasn’t going to judge me, I could hardly judge Urgg for the things vexing them. Lifting the club again, I smacked another pot and yelled, “Fuck the Crystal that brought me here.”
“Stupid bugs that infest my flour,” Urgg yelled. “I shall bake all of you.”
One by one, we broke the pots filling the cave until nothing was left but shards covering the red sand.
The book on my screen remained unread as I stared at one of my paintings. Seth was still gone, and it was late afternoon. I should’ve talked to him this morning, yet I hadn’t. The fear he would reject me wouldn’t abate, but nor would Monqilcolnen’s words.
I was me, regardless of what the Crystal said. I had always been me. And if I’d been given a choice, I would’ve chosen Seth. I would choose Seth every time. He deserved to know who I was in my past, and hopefully, he would want to share my future.
The very thought of losing him stole my breath, especially if it was from the stupid mistakes I’d made.
A gust of air came from behind me, and I turned. Seth strode in, sweat dripping from his forehead and darkening his shirt.
“Seth, what’s wrong?”
He didn’t answer.
I opened my mouth to repeat the question, but suddenly, I was busy. Seth pressed against me, fisting the hair at the nape of my neck. His lips were harsh against mine, but I didn’t mind in the slightest. I groaned, and his soft tongue invaded my mouth, demanding a response from me. Seth climbed onto my lap, and I grabbed his hips, holding him in place.
“When you’re ready, I will be here,” Seth said, breathing hard. “But I am going to have to know at some point.”
I glowed at his fierce tone. Slowly, Seth had been flinching less and he was steadily becoming less hesitant. I loved it.
He captured my mouth again and drove all thought from my mind.
Chapter 30
Normalcy.
Before I knew it, I’d been on the Admiral Ven for over three months, and we’d fallen into a routine. We would eat breakfast in the morning, and then Kal would speak with the captain or Pimtimzol, and more rarely his father or older brothers. I would eat lunch with Urgg and Wyn.
The Ensign Puke nickname hadn’t died down, and Wyn hid from basically everyone, especially Monty.
NAID wasn’t any closer to choosing a name. We talked in front of the scientists every couple of days about pretty much nothing, but they took note after note, practically quaking in excitement.Whenever NAID expressed an opinion, I swear the scientists would practically leap out of their chairs.
After lunch, Kal and I would go to the experience shop three days a week to play our game. We were slowly working through the story. One night a week I had target practice, after which I would drink with Urgg and Wyn, though the latter wouldn’t touch even a drop of alcohol.
Once a week, I went to combat class. It wasn’t easy. I’d never been a lover of physical activity. I was a potato at heart, but it was nice to get out of the room and spend time with Urgg, Wyn, and Monty. I had to be in a different class from Kal, as we’d discovered his inability to handle me threatened, but Wyn had started training me. He wasn’t much taller than I was, and he was used to fighting people larger and taller than he, so he was teaching me the same.
What we didn’t do was talk about Kal’s past, and I left it alone as promised.
As odd as it felt, a sort of normalcy started. Not something I could’ve ever predicted happening when I first came aboard, but life moved on. At some point, I’d accepted what was happening. More than accepted, I liked being with Kal, and I couldn’t imagine living without him, but could I really live on an alien planet?
One thought kept coming back time and time again. It poked at my anxiety and invaded my thoughts at the worst times. If I said no, I would lose my memories. What would happen to me if I went back to Earth?
We stepped into our apartment after playing our game. Kal hooked his arms around my waist. “That was your fault.”
