Page 59 of Heidi Lucy Loses Her Mind
-He’s kind of famous
-I don’t know what kind of future we would have
-He’s obnoxious
-
I frown as I stare at that little dash, waiting for me to fill in another con.
I can’t think of one.
Why can’t I think of one? Surely there are more cons than this. There have to be. Granted, theI don’t know what kind of future we would havecon is a pretty massive one, but…
I shake my head and flip the sheet over. Maybe first I should figure out how I already feel, and then I can move on to deciding if I want to pursue him or not. That’s a more efficient use of my time and energy.
So how can I clarify my feelings for him? How can I tell if I like him?
Touch his arm,I scribble on the back of my first list.See how you feel inside. Warm and tingly?
I nod. This is good.
-Hug him. Do you feel excited, or do you feel like barfing?
-Now hug a different man, not Eric. Calvin? See if you feel different or the same.
-Find an excuse to touch his hand
-Repeat with another man, again not Eric—again see if you feel the same way about both of them
-Take a really good look at him. DO NOT GET CAUGHT STARING. See if you really, truly find him attractive.
I swallow, staring at the little paper, and then add one more thing:
-Maybe kiss him? DO NOT DO THIS UNLESS YOU’VE DONE THE OTHER ONES.
Okay. All right. This is okay. This is fine. I can do these things. I am a strong woman, and I am able to take charge of my emotions. Of course I am. Of course I am!
“Of course I am,” I say, trying to pump myself up. I bounce back and forth on light feet like a boxer in the ring. I look like a loon. “Of course I can take charge of my emotions.”
I’ve been handling my emotions my whole life. The only problem is, usually that means shoving them down and putting them away. I’ve never tried to take them out and explore them before. It sounds…messy.
I don’t like messy.
I sigh, the sound loud in the muted room. “It’s fine,” I say. “Now stop talking to yourself and go do your job.”
I rip the sheet of paper off the notepad and fold it neatly, shoving it into my pocket. I’ve just grabbed the door handle when I feel a push from the other side, and the door swings open. I jump back, stumbling over my feet and catching myself at the last minute.
“Whoa,” Soren says quickly. His hand darts out and closes firmly around my wrist, steadying me. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I say, breathless.
He nods and lets his arm drop back to his side. “I was looking for you.”
My heart stumbles a little, and purely on instinct I shut the response down. But I blink in surprise as I realize what’s happening. I do it so naturally, completely without thinking; have I always been that way? Have I always closed myself off like that?
I frown, looking down at the large, masculine hand that was on my arm. My heart trips again as I reach out and grab it, bringing Soren’s touch back to my wrist.
“Grab me again,” I hear myself saying, my brows still furrowed.
