Page 57 of Heidi Lucy Loses Her Mind
14
IN WHICH HEIDI MAKES A PLAN
“All right,” I say, pointing at my reflection in the mirror. Despite my neat hair and perfectly normal outfit, there’s a panicked gleam in my eye that I can’t quite get rid of. “Sure, you said some embarrassing things yesterday. But he didn’t care. He kissed you. Helikesyou. So there’s no need to feel so humiliated. Just face him with your head held high.”
He kissed me. Sorenkissedme. And then he promised not to do it again, and I felt…something. Relieved, but also disappointed.
Why did I feel both of those things at the same time? It doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense. Soren is out of my league in every possible way. He’s brilliant and attractive and successful, even if he doesn’t see it. He’s a man I never let myself think about romantically, because I knew it would never happen. It didn’t even occur to me to have a crush on him; he’sSoren freaking Mackenzie.People like me do not have crushes on people like him.
There’s a little knock at the door, and I jump as the sound echoes through the tiny bathroom of Paper Patisserie. “Hang on,” I call, my voice weird and strangled. I smooth my hair down and then fling the door open—only to find Gemma on the other side, giving me a funny look.
“Oh, thank goodness,” I say. I grab her arm, yank her into the bathroom, and then close the door again. “Gemma,” I whisper.“Help.”
Gemma nods immediately, her expression turning deadly serious. “What do you need? Do you need money? Or is someone bothering you? Or—” Her eyes widen. “Are you sick again? Is it—”
“No, no, no,” I say quickly. “It’s nothing like that.” Then I sigh.
I can’t believe what I’m about to tell her. I can’t believe what I’m about to admit.
“Something…happened on Saturday,” I say.
Gemma raises one eyebrow at me, waiting.
“With Soren,” I say.
My best friend’s expression clears. “Ah,” she says slowly. “Okay. Tell me.”
“I don’t know,” I say, and I can hear the frustration leaking into my words. “We—he kissed me? Kind of? Just for a second. And then I sort of freaked out, and he said he wouldn’t kiss me again unless I asked him to, and I’m pretty sure—” I break off, gulping in a deep breath. “I’m pretty sure I told him he wasmine,like this was some shifter fated mates romance or something, and I have no idea what to do or what’s going on.”
“Okay, wow,” Gemma says, looking stunned. She blinks a few times. “I have so many questions.”
“Don’t ask them,” I say miserably. “I have no answers.” I slump down, sitting on the closed toilet seat and resting my elbows on my knees.
“All right, all right,” she says, and her voice is gentle now. “This is fine, okay? Look.” She crouches down next to me. “He kissed you? And it was on purpose—like he didn’t just bump into you or anything?”
“No,” I say, my cheeks heating as I remember the way his lips moved. “It was definitely a kiss.”
“But it freaked you out.”
“Kind of, yeah,” I say. “I wasn’t expecting it. And I wasn’t really thinking straight. I—he was—we—” I break off. “I had just licked him.”
Gemma blinks at me again. “You…licked him.”
I nod. “On thelips,” I wail, burying my face in my hands. “Because he had ice cream on his mouth and—and—”
But I cut off as Gemma begins to laugh. “Amazing,” she says breathlessly. “That’s incredible. Okay. All right.” Then she tucks her dark hair behind her ear and looks up at me. “Heidi, youlikehim.”
I swallow. “I think I might?”
“You do,” Gemma insists. “You’ve liked him forever. It’s just that you don’t ever seek out romantic connection. You binge romance novels and call it good. And I understand why,” she says, her words softer now. “I really do. You’ve always played things close to the chest, and I know you’re wary of what your future might look like. I’ve never seen you date anyone. You’ve never even liked anyone in the time that I’ve known you, have you?”
“Not really,” I admit. “I’m just…” I don’t want to say the word, but I spit it out anyway. “I guess it’s kind of scary to open up. I don’t know the first thing about relationships. And I don’t know what kind of future he wants.”
“You’re allowed to be scared,” Gemma says. “But you’re healthy now, and there’s no use worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet. All you can do is tell him the truth and see what happens.”
“‘Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game,’” I say with a sigh. “Babe Ruth.”
“Don’t be stupid,” Gemma says with a snort. “That was Hilary Duff’s dad in that Cinderella movie.”
