Page 43 of Heidi Lucy Loses Her Mind
“Do you like that?” he says hoarsely. It’s not a cocky question, or a taunt, or a stupid pickup line. It’s simply a question he wants to know the answer to.
“I—I don’t know,” I say honestly. I need more than a map to navigate all the emotions and thoughts and reactions happening in my body and my brain right now.
“That’s fair,” he says. “What about this, then: How does it make you feel?”
I clear my throat, trying to dislodge my heart and send it back down to my chest cavity where it belongs. “Warm,” I admit in a whisper. “And…jittery.”
“And,” he says, stepping closer once more. He’s still moving impossibly slowly, giving me time to object, time to push him away as his arms wrap around me, pulling my body into his. “What about this?” he says. “Do you like this?”
His scruff is scratchy against my temple; his body is too warm, too close. And yet…
“Yes,” I say again, even more quietly this time.
Why am I telling him this?
All I know is I can’t lie right now. I don’t have it in me to lie—not when he’s being this vulnerable. I don’t know what this development means, but I can’t do that to him.
I feel him nod; his arms release me and then take gentle hold of my shoulders, nudging me backward so that there’s space between us once more. “Then I think,” he says, “you might enjoy kissing me someday.” He hesitates for a second before pinning me with those impossibly blue eyes. “Iwould certainly enjoy kissingyou.”
Somewhere in the depths of my scrambled, confused mind, one thought worms its way to the surface:this is so like Soren.It’s so like him to spring this on me out of the blue, and yet to do it so gently that somehow I’m not overwhelmed.
“I don’t know what’s happening,” I say. My filter is gone; the survival instinct that had me jumping on Soren now seems to be sending my thoughts directly to my mouth with no censoring in between.
“Nothing has to happen yet,” he says after a second. “Or ever. If you don’t want it to.”
I don’t answer that, because I don’t know what I want or what he’s proposing. “Are you gonna be weird about this?” I say instead.
He gives me a little half-smile. “No,” he says, letting his hands fall away from my shoulders. “I won’t be weird.”
I swallow the sudden anxiety that rises up within me. “Are you still going to be my friend who pushes all my buttons and comes to the shop every day?”
He gives me another smile, but this one looks sadder, somehow. “I’ll be whatever you need me to be, honey.” Then he nods at my front door, taking a step back. “Come on,” he says, like he didn’t just drop that term of endearment. “Let’s go visit Carmina Hildegarde’s son.”
10
IN WHICH SOREN AND HEIDI MEET THE NOT-NOTICEABLY-GRIEVING FAMILY
Maplewood is the subdivision that borders mine, and it’s just as ostentatious.
The town square where Heidi’s shop is located is roughly at the center of Sunshine Springs. It’s the social hub, the place where people gather, especially during the months when the farmer’s market is going on. The community college, meanwhile, is in one corner of town, and the Maplewood and Lafayette subdivisions are in the opposite corner.
Considering the scant population—something like twelve thousand including students—the housing situation here is surprisingly diverse. We have large homes and small homes and townhomes and apartments, although admittedly that last one is mostly located around the college. I think there’s even a dormitory on campus.
The car is totally silent as Heidi and I drive away from Paper Patisserie, past some of those small homes and medium-sized homes and a few patchwork squares of farmland. It takes all my self-control to keep my eyes on the road instead of glancing over at her every five seconds, but I really don’t want to freak her out. She’s jittery, and I don’t need to make it worse. I’ve introduced the possibility of her and I; that’s enough for now. All I can do is wait and see if she warms up to the idea.
And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…I think she might.
It will take some time—I’ve always known that—but I’m in no rush. I can wait as long as I need to for her. I’ve been sustaining myself on her rare smiles and her nagging all this time. A while longer won’t hurt me. And if she decides she’s not interested…well, I’ll have to find a way to be okay with that, I guess. I don’t know how I would do it, but I’m sure I could figure it out.
Probably.
“So how do we want to do this?” I say when I finally can’t take the silence any longer. “Do you want to take the lead?” I’m still not convinced this is a good idea, but I know that Heidi will do what she wants on her own if I refuse to help. I’d rather be with her than know she’s off by herself.
“Yeah,” she says with a nod that registers in the corner of my vision. “I can do that.”
I try not to make my relief obvious, but I can’t help the way my shoulders relax and my hands loosen on the steering wheel. She’s not acting like anything is wrong.
She’s not acting like we accidentally kissed less than an hour ago.
