Page 24 of Beyond the Treaty
I pressed my palm against the door, allowing my forehead to rest against the wood for just a moment before pulling back and straightening my shoulders.
It didn’t matter what lines I had crossed tonight. I couldn’t let this distract me, I wouldn’t. The war was still coming, and Elara needed me to be strong and lead.
But as I walked back down the hall, her kiss lingered on my lips, and I realised the truth I didn’t want to admit.
I had already surrendered. There was no turning back.
I barely made it back to the main room before the weight of everything caught up to me. The dying fire provided little warmth now, its embers smouldering like the ache still burning in my chest. I sank onto the edge of the worn armchair, my elbows braced on my knees, and dropped my face into my hands.
What have I done?
The question echoed in my mind, relentless and unanswer- able. I had broken every rule I had set for myself. I had allowed the fire she carried to pull me into its heart, and gods, I hadn’t even tried to stop it. For all the discipline and control I had honed over years of war and loss, tonight I unravelled with a single kiss.
And now that fire had taken hold of me, sinking deep into the hollow spaces I had kept hidden even from myself.
I thought of Elara’s face, her wide, searching eyes when Itouched her, the softness in her voice when she uttered my name. The way her hands lingered on me, small and delicate, yet grounding. That image struck something deep within me, something I didn’t want to name, for naming it would mean confronting it.
I couldn’t permit that. I couldn’t permit this.
Because what I felt for her, the pull, the longing, it was more perilous than any Council member, any magic, or any prophecy. It could tear me apart, shatter me from within, and worse still, it could ruin her.
Elara didn’t need my selfish desires complicating her path. She didn’t need my weaknesses holding her back. She needed my strength. My focus. She needed me to protect her, not to succumb to these dangerous urges that had already weakened me far more than I cared to admit.
But it’s too late, a voice in my head whispered. The kiss was evidence of that.
I pushed myself up from the chair, pacing the room like a caged animal. My movements were jerky and restless, as if I could burn the thoughts out of my mind by sheer force of will. I knew what I had to do. I needed to pull back and rebuild the distance I’d allowed to crumble. It was the only way to protect her, to keep her safe from both the war and the chaos brewing within me.
However, I also realised I could no longer deceive myself.
The part of me that desired her, the part that had long been buried beneath layers of grief, rage, and guilt, was unearthed tonight. It wouldn’t be buried again. Not easily.
I could still feel her presence: the warmth of her lips and the way her breath hitched when I leaned in closer. I could still hear her voice and see the stubborn fire in her gaze, which made me want to protect her from the world and set it ablaze alongside her.
“She’s going to destroy you,” the voice hissed once more. “And you’ll allow her to.”
I ceased pacing, fixing my gaze on the shadowy wall across the room. I clenched my fists at my sides, the sharp bite of my nails digging into my palms anchoring me. If that were true, if this war ended with me ruined by her fire, my control stripped away piece by piece, then so be it. I would accept it.
But only after I knew she was safe.
Only after I had torn the Council apart, uprooted every trace of their treachery from this world, and ensured that Elara could live without their shadow darkening her future.
Only then could I allow myself to fall.
Until that day, she couldn’t know the full truth of what I felt, of how far I’d already fallen. I’d keep it buried just deep enough to perform my duty. At least, I hoped I could. The creak of the Keep’s stone walls pulled me from my thoughts, and I stilled, listening for anything out of place. There was no threat, no movement other than the steady sigh of the wind through the cracks. Yet, instinct had my eyes drifting back toward the hall. Toward the door behind which Elara slept, or possibly didn’t sleep, knowing her.
I turned away swiftly, suppressing the tug in my chest that urged me to go to her again. To open that door, bridge the gap between us, and allow myself to be vulnerable just one more time. No.
I returned to the dying fire, adding another log to the embers and watching as the flames reluctantly flickered back to life. I sank into the chair, compelling my gaze to remain on the fire and forcing my body to stay still. I wouldn’t go to her again tonight. I wouldn’t lose this fight, not now.
But as the fire crackled softly, its warmth creeping back toward me, I recognised the truth.
This war was no longer just against the Council. I was battling against myself. And I was losing.
CHAPTER 15
The flames danced in the hearth, their flicker casting shadows across the stone walls, but they did little to warm the cold knot twisting inside me. I leaned back into the chair, arms braced against its sides as I stared blankly into the fire. The silence was thick, shattered only by the occasional snap of wood and the soft howl of the wind outside. It was the sort of quiet that burrowed deep, too close to thoughts I wasn’t ready to confront.
But confront them, I would. There was no escaping what had happened between us, what I had allowed to happen. What I wanted to happen.
