If only Meco knew Lo had been so fatigued with life. He felt like he had been running a lifelong marathon with no breaks in between. The mental exhaustion had altered his way of life. Having to live with an iron guard up all the time was draining. Lo wanted relief. He craved normalcy, but he knew it would never happen. Not with the past he had.
“I’ma tell you some real shit… Ada triggers the fuck outta me. I’ve been doing good until she showed up at the wedding. Her and Dax bring back memories that I try hard to keep away. I’ve been fucked up, mentally. Having nightmares like I’m a kid. I even wake Bria up and she starts asking me questions.”
“Why won’t you open up to her?”
“For what?” he groused. “I don't trust her.”
“Because she was fuckin’ off?”
Lo nodded. “Yeah, but I still wouldn’t trust her even if she didn’t. I don’t like talking about what I went through.”
“Not even with me?”
Lo turned to look at Meco. There was so much tension between them. So many words that needed to be said but they wouldn’t dare talk about it. Why? Because they were two stubborn men who refused to deal with the issues that plagued their relationship.
“You said you ain't wanna hear about it so fuck it. Yeah, you too.”
Meco puffed out a deep breath. “Is that why you cut me off for four years?”
Lo swallowed hard, peering forward to avoid looking his brother in the face. Meco was wounded by his decision to go AWOL after he moved with Maddy. It was a personal choice that he felt was right at the time. Now that he was a man, he should’ve handled his brother with better care.
“It wasn’t that… I didn’t trust nobody at that time. You included.”
“But why though? Me and you had been closer than anybody in the family. Why was it so easy for you to throw me away?”
Lo shrugged, wishing he had an explanation for Meco, but he didn’t. A feeling came over him at that time and it instructed him to shut down from everyone. Back then, Lo missed his brother. Actually, both of them but they were connected to the two people who let him down.
“So, once you threw me away, you tried to replace me with Durand?”
Lo turned to him sporting pinched brows. “Replace you? Nigga, no. Durand would never be able to do that.”
“Then, why the fuck you start doing shit with him that was our thing?” Meco barked, showcasing how truly damaged his heart was from Lo’s actions. “You going to the ocean smoking with him. Jumping the gate at Mad Mires and sneaking beer from the corner store. That was shit we did but then you let that nigga take my place.”
“He never took your place,” Lo argued.
Meco waved his hand dismissively. “Get the fuck outta here. You were trying but when you saw that his ass was a lame, you figured I wasn’t replaceable. Then, you let that shit get back to me, and I’ll never forgive you for that.”
Meco’s words caused Lo’s chest to hurt. They seared into him like a sharp blade. Despite feeling wounded, Lo was relieved. For years, he knew Meco was hurt by their past but hearing him finally admit it was a relief.
Subconsciously, there may have been a part of Lo that tried replicating the bond he had with Meco with Durand. It wasn’t planned but a way to cope without his best friend. They’d do things that felt familiar to Lo in an effort to remind himself that he was still the same person before his life went downhill. Yet, nothing was the same. He still had fresh scars that would never heal. Inflicting pain on Meco wasn’t intentional.
“So, now what?”
Lo didn’t know what else to say. The wordshow can I fix thissat on his tongue, but he didn’t have the gall to voice them.
“Nothing.”
Lo despised how stubborn Meco was, especially since he was the same way.
“So, you said all that just to say nothing?”
“Yeah.” Meco passed the blunt to him.
Lo smacked his lips and flicked the blunt out of his hand. “Meek, I didn’t try to replace you. You're my fucking blood. We share the same DNA. Ain't no replacing that shit. What I didwith Durand was trying to cope with my situation. I was a kid going through some bullshit at the time. Can you give me some grace?”
“Grace?” Meco chuckled. “Lo, you don't give nobody no grace, so how the fuck you expect me to give it to you?”
Sitting back, Lo expelled a heavy breath. All of this drained him. The emotions, memories, and encounters with Ada had weighed heavily on his mind. And now his brother wouldn’t forgive him for something he didn’t intentionally try to do.
