“A therapist did that?” Bria asked, confused.
“Yeah. It’s like he didn’t have the knowledge to connect with me. I don't think he knew how to counsel somebody who had been violated. So, I got fed up and stopped going. After that, I was done with that therapy shit. It don’t do nothing but make me think about what happened.”
She nodded, carefully trying to construct her next sentence. “So, do you blame your parents for what happened?”
Lo’s stare cut into her. “Hell yeah. I told them repeatedly not to send me to that shit. I even called my mama when I was there and told her I wasn’t comfortable. You know what she did? Nothing. Ignored me like she always did. That’s why it’s been fuck them for the last twenty years. They didn’t do their fucking job. They helped that cracker ruin me… there’s a part of me that hate them. I wish I can make it go away but I can’t. That shit is just in me.”
Bria was stunned but didn’t showcase it through her features. She had so much to say. So much to suggest but now wasn’t the time for her to be a therapist. Nursing the woundedpart of Lo was her only priority at the moment. The other shit could wait.
“I understand.”
Lo lowered himself to his knees, rubbing his face before his red-tinted eyes landed on her.
“Do you really? ‘Cause people been making me feel crazy for cutting them outta my life. They make me the bad guy, and I can’t understand how they don’t see where I’m coming from.”
“Oh, baby.” She joined him on the floor, holding his wrists and gazing deeply into his lenses. “I understand you completely now. You’re not wrong for the way you handled your parents. Everyone became a suspect. I’m sure you didn’t know who to trust.”
Lo’s head bobbed slowly. “See, you get it but everybody else don’t. They ain’t never been violated like me, so they don’t understand all the paranoia that comes with it. I love my people but fucking with them was something I couldn’t do. They didn’t handle me with care, and I’ll never get over it.”
Lo’s pain radiated off of him like the sweltering heat on a hot summer day. She felt his agony. He had infected her with it. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him into her, hoping to collect his trauma and carry some of the load.
“I understand you, babe. I get you. If no one gets you, it’s me,” she murmured in his ear.
Lo hugged her so tightly, she felt her breaths becoming constricted. Bria didn’t mind it though. If she had to comfort him in this position for the rest of the night, she would without hesitation. Lo needed this. She sensed it by the tightness of his arms. Reluctantly, she pulled back, gazing into eyes that held a lifetime of pain.
“Thank you for trusting me with your past.”
Lo studied her face, making her wonder what thoughts were flashing through his mind.
“I told you because… I love you and you make me feel safe. I know I said in the past that I was scared of you, but you’ve proven to be a person I can bet my life on. You saved my brother from getting killed and you’ve dealt with my triggers and attitude. And this don’t mean you had to struggle with me to gain my love. That’s not what I’m saying. I just fell in love with you. I’ve been fighting it because it’s unfamiliar but it’s real and that’s why I told you what happened to me.”
Awkward silence filled the room. Words had suddenly failed Bria. They had been locked in this marriage that was more difficult than her training for her Don Quixote performance. It was mentally taxing but so thrilling. Lo matched the roller coaster rides at Six Flags. He would take her on a high then dip her in a valley only to pull them back to a peak.
“Don’t say it back. Not now. I don’t wanna feel like you only said it because I did. I want you to feel it so just don’t say it.”
But she wanted to profess how she had fallen into a deep pit of love for him. How the waters were so deep that she couldn’t bring herself to the surface. Lo swallowed her whole. His grip on her was so fierce that she had no room to breathe. He was a force that she had no choice but to submit to. He was broken. He was insane, and he was traumatized. In spite of that, Bria loved every inch of him, unapologetically.
Lo released her from his hold and stood. Bria followed suit and did the same. He rubbed his hands down his face before inhaling deeply.
“I gotta go.”
“Wait, why?” Bria questioned, not liking the idea of that.
“I got some shit to do.” Lo snatched up his hoodie and put it on. “Dev keep hittin’ me up so I gotta go. Look, I know you said you're done with me, and I get it. Meco and Kaylona are planning a trip and they're inviting everybody. She’ll probablycall you with the details. If I see you there, that means you still want a nigga. If I don’t, then I get it.” He smirked.
And just like that, Lo had snatched her rose-colored glasses off and brought her back to their reality. Despite his revelation, they still possessed issues that she didn’t want to deal with. Lo was a jumbled puzzle that she didn’t have the patience to put together. Bria was still wrapped up in the whirlwind of his past. Before, she wanted him far away from her as possible. His mere presence rattled her nerves. Now, she was confused, knowing whatever she decided would hurt either her or him.
Lo pulled his phone out and tapped on the screen. He then peered at her, causing her skin to prickle with chills.
“Come on so I can walk you to your room.”
Bria nodded as he grabbed her hand. Lo walked her down the hall and stopped at her hotel room. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips against hers, evoking a feeling of yearning to brew deep in her core.
“I’ll holla at you later.”
Bria hated to see him go but she nodded and entered her suite. As soon as the door closed, she slid down the wall and cried for Lo.
Waiting Game
