Page 62 of Arseni
“Oh.”My laugh is short and bitter.“I must’ve been moaninghardtonight then, huh?‘Cause I justlovedthat shit.”
He cringes and looks away.His guilt has returned.
“You can’t even look at me, let alone tell me you’re sorry.You’re a coward,” I spit with watery eyes.
“Iamsorry.”After a deep breath, he turns to me.Instead of remorse, I catch anger making his brown eyes brighter.“No one is ever going to touch you again… I promise I’m going to find a way to fix this.”
“Fixwhat?”I watch for him to cringe, as if realizing howmoronicit is to tell me he can fix what’s already happened.But he doesn’t.His eyes hold steady onto me.
“I’m gonna get you out of here.”
My pinched face relaxes until my skin feels loose and sunken.“What?”
“I don’t know how yet, but I’ll find a way… No one is ever gonna hurt you again.You have my word.”
“Your word means nothing,” I say, but my voice is weak.Hopeful.
He nods.“I know.”
I blink at him.I think I don’t know what to say until the word slips out.“Why?”
His lips part, but he doesn’t speak.I wonder if he’s thinking about what to say.Or what his answer is.
Have I misunderstood?Is he really talking about letting me go?
My life beyond here materializes in my mind.Being on the run, or more likely, being in prison.I didn’t know it was possible, but a sudden fear rushes through me at the thought of leaving.
“Because I’m sorry,” he says.
I wait for more, but it doesn’t come.
I can’t think of anything to say.Thank youfeels too ridiculous.I don’t believe youfeels too repetitive.
‘How could I ever go back to my old life?’ feels too pathetic.Because what kind of person wouldn’t jump at the chance to leave this house of horrors?
What kind of person wouldn’t jump at the chance to leave Arseni?
He stands, obviously having no more to say, and leaves me to wash myself in my grown woman bath.All I can think the whole time is how I wish he was doing it instead.
23
ARSENI
I’m laying down on the bed, my hands clasped behind my head when Margot finally walks from the bathroom.It’s been at least thirty minutes since I left her, and I don’t imagine she hates me any less.
I don’t know what to say.I don’thaveanything to say.
I expect her to find the closet, but instead she walks to the bed and sits down facing away from me.The white towel she’s wrapped in doesn’t run low enough for me not to see the fingerprints on her thighs.I can’t decide if I should hope they’re mine.
I lay my head back and close my eyes, telling myself she’s safe now.It’s over.But it just … doesn’t make it go away.
“Are you really going to let me go?”she asks in a small, hopeful voice.How she could possibly believe me now is beyond me.
“Yes.”
“How are you so sure your boss will let you?”
I don’t answer right away.The ‘how’ has not been figured out.I don’t know.Ireallydon’t know how Nikita will react.
