Words I never thought I’d say. The woman leading the yoga group moved into a position on her fingers and toes, butt sticking up in the air. I wondered if I could keep up? Big boy legs were able, but I wasn’t sure my arms would hold up. Maybe after the convention, I’d join them? When she put one hand and leg up in the air, balancing on the other two, I wiped that foolish notion from my mind.
Harvey pushed his bifocals up his nose. “You’re telling me they wouldn’t find a curvy lady wizard attractive?”
All eyes were on me. I regretted my decision to enlist their help. I should have recruited the kids that played in the back of the comic shop. The adults of Firefly were pitching in however they could, and these three insisted they could be of help. How could I say no to enthusiastic volunteers? Their insistence on raising an army of ferocious bunnies wasn’t what I had in mind with this campaign.
Harvey held up his character profile. “High charisma. You said that meant I could charm the pants off anybody.”
He wasn’t wrong.
“If only you had that in real life,” Abraham laughed. “Maybe you wouldn’t be single.”
The idea had been simple. I’d give them a handful of scenarios to play with the kids. These one-hour mini-sessions would introduce the next generation to roleplaying games. I should have known, in true Firefly fashion, thingswould go awry. The first clue should have been Abraham showing up wearing a Viking helmet and fur pelt clipped to his neck. I’m pretty sure he had gone scouring through Twice-Told Tales for the outfit.
“While he’s powdering his nose, I’m gonna attack with my battle axe.” I had hope for Walter. He had taken to the game, and his dwarf became the leader of this ragtag group of retirees.
He rolled the dice, and… well, that wasn’t good. “You charge the lich.” Walter jumped to his feet, hand waving over his head as he mustered a battle cry. “And the lich drains the soul from your body.”
His cry came to a stop. Not missing a beat, he threw his hands to his chest. For a moment, I thought he was having a heart attack. The dramatics played out as he slid off his bench, falling to the grass. He convulsed, throwing a hand in the air before it landed on his forehead. “Tell my lady dwarf I love her.”
“Great, you killed him,” Abraham said.
Harvey shot me a disapproving frown. “My sexy bard isn’t looking so bad now, is it?”
I gestured to the dice. This game had gotten weird, but when didn’t it? We’d have to set some boundaries about using seduction techniques while the kids played. For now, I wanted to see if Harvey and the lich were going to live happily ever after.
He rolled the dice. His eyes went wide as he rolled a perfect score. Walter got up off the grass while Harvey’s fist pumped in the air. When we set up camp this morning, Idid not think I’d have to describe a bard getting sexy with a dead wizard.
“You seduce the lich.” I chuckled at Harvey’s smile. “Not only do you seduce him. He’s so taken back by your pickup line that he gets down on one knee and proposes.”
“Damn straight, he does!”
The others groaned. It didn’t help Harvey had resorted to making kissing sounds. I hung my head in shame. Was I going to let these men run a game? They had made it through the game without swearing. How bad could it get?
“I think we got the idea,” Abraham said.
Harvey didn’t stop with the kissing. “None of you are invited to the wedding.”
“Speaking of weddings…” Abraham pulled the helmet off his head as he turned to me. No. No way. This conversation was not turning in my direction.
“I sat with your mom at the spaghetti supper last night.” Mom, I swear, if you — “She mentioned your date didn’t go well.”
Yup. True Firefly fashion. I couldn’t have a bad date without the entire town knowing it. Personal boundaries didn’t exist in a small town. I wouldn’t be surprised if, at the next town meeting, “Get Jason a date” showed up on the agenda.
“If I was younger?—”
“Harvey, don’t you dare finish that sentence.” The last thing I needed was the thought of Harvey bringing me flowers. “Mom and I are going to have a talk.”
“I’m just saying,” Harvey continued. “I was into some wild stuff when I was younger.”
“We’ve met your first wife,” Walter jumped in. “We’veallmet your first wife.” The air quotes made it dirty.
I covered my face. “Why do I talk to any of you?”
“My unyielding charisma,” Harvey said, waggling his white, bushy eyebrows.
“Don’t worry.” Abraham put a hand on my shoulder. “You’ll meet the right guy.” As intrusive as the conversation got, it was endearing that this seventy-three-year-old man had faith that I’d meet a special man.
“Sooner than you think,” Walter said. He returned to his seat on the bench, looking at me… no, over my shoulder.
