Page 62 of Chasing Cheer
Lumi sighed. “You had only gathered other people’s love for one another, Holly. You hadn’t experienced it yourself. In Emerald Hollow, you found something rare. You gave love, and you received it in return.”
With a twist in her stomach, Holly understood what Lumi was saying. Maybe she’d known it all along.
Ash.
He was the reason her Cheer meter had started to go wild the first time he came into the room. Ash was the reason her wrist was constantly warm, and she didn’t have to filter for negative emotions. Because of him, she had felt at home in Emerald Hollow. Ash was the reason she had been indescribably happy.
Holly’s heart sank even further than she thought possible. She had left Ash behind. Whatever love he’d had for her, if he had indeed loved her, it had to have evaporated as soon as she ran away.
She tried to fight back against the despair. “How come none of this ever came up in my studies?” She fiddled with her watch. It was too still, and the lack of warmth felt like frostbite.
Lumi’s features became softer than Holly had ever seen them. “Not every Claus falls in love. For the Clauses who don’t or aren’t meant to, their Cheer lights the North Post to full brightness the moment they take over from the previous Mr. or Ms. Claus. In those cases, as you know, the next Claus is discovered somewhere in the human world when the time is right. That’s why the North Pole has had Clauses with origins from every continent over the centuries.”
Holly frowned, her mind brimming with questions. “But wouldn’t that mean it’s all predetermined? Somehow, the Cheer knew I would eventually fall in love?” She couldn’t deny that love was what she felt, but she could certainly hang on to every scrap of information that didn’t revolve around Ash, as if delaying the inevitable. “Is there some kind of genetic factor that determines this?”
“We don’t know everything about Cheer, Holly. Sometimes, we can ask why all we want, but we don’t get an answer. Things just are. Clauses only fall in love once, if they do at all, according to legend. For humans, it could happen multiple times or not at all. Most humans can be happy with a variety of different people, or they can be happy on their own. It often comes down to choice.”
Lumi sighed deeply and continued, “It’s a different story for you, my dear. You were always destined to fall in love. I’ve known it ever since your parents left, and your first Cheer mission yielded less powerful Cheer.” She reached out to cover Holly’s hand. “Don’t worry. You did remarkably well all those years. We had plenty of Cheer to keep operations going. I knew you would fall in love when the time was right. Clauses have plenty of time. I’m just glad you found him now.”
“But I don’t understand. Does this mean I have to… to… what exactly? Keep visiting Ash in Emerald Hollow every Cheer cycle to restock our Cheer? Aren’t they going to wonder why I keep going back? And that’s assuming Ash is even willing to let me set foot there again after the way I left things.” Holly’s mind was swirling. She was eager to make things right at the North Pole but not sure how.
“What about my job? My cover story?” She was thinking of Sofia, Enzo, Tyler, and the others she had met in Emerald Hollow—and Ash, always Ash. “Wouldn’t that seem strange to all of them?”
“Well, the idea is not that you keep visiting him as friends, Holly. The idea is that the two of you fall in love and build a life together, like your parents did.”
Holly’s jaw dropped. “This happened to my parents too?” She wondered why that hadn’t occurred to her during the conversation yet. “I knew they were in love, but… did my dad’s Cheer start off less powerful, like mine did?”
“That’s right. It was so long ago that I barely remember it. But after he met your mother on one of his trips to gather Cheer, everything changed.”
Holly had dozens of other questions about that, but they all led her back to Ash, and she didn’t want to think about him anymore at the moment. She had done the worst thing possible, as Sofia had said, by leaving. She felt like she was going to be sick.
Suddenly, her mind switched gears. “If I’ve fallen in love, why isn’t my Cheer working anymore? Why would it make my Cheer brighter then take it away completely?”
Lumi let out another sigh. “Only you know the answer to that. Did you leave Emerald Hollow with the intention of never returning? Of never seeing Ash again?”
“Yes, but I had to. Ash and I weren’t going to work out. It was better for him if I left.”
Lumi arched a single one of her pointed ears. “Better for him? Did he tell you that?”
Holly tried not to let the dread that was clinging tightly to her insides like a melted marshmallow on a graham cracker show on her face. “Well, no. I thought I was doing what was best for both of us. And it turns out, I was right, because meeting him has led to disaster for the North Pole! I wish I’d never gone to Emerald Hollow. I never missed a Cheer quota before then. I was fine. Everything was fine.”
Holly sank into the cushion again, her shoulders sagging. Even as the words spilled out of her, she knew they weren’t true. Her time in Emerald Hollow had been the best in her life. She couldn’t imagine a version of her story in which she’d never experienced that.
“Holly,” Lumi began gently, “I’m going to have to give it to you straight. Falling in love and tapping into that Cheer doesn’t always result in disaster. If neither of you feels real love for the other, you’d be able to continue as you did before. The light of the North Post would have maintained its baseline brightness, and you’d be able to go on capturing Cheer as you did. Now that all this has happened, though”—Lumi waved her hand, indicating the room, which was lit with candles instead of its usual Cheer-powered lanterns, and the empty fireplace, which faced them like a black hole—“I see that it’s gone a step farther. You’ve fallen in love, and I think it’s reciprocal. That can’t be undone so easily. It’s changed your ability to store Cheer.”
Holly closed her eyes, shaking her head. “This can’t be the answer, Lumi. We have to find a solution.” Holly stared at her with wide, pleading eyes.
“Have you talked to Ash and told him how you feel?” Lumi asked so calmly that it made Holly want to shout.
“I made a mistake, Lumi! I’m sure I hurt him. And I nearly lost the Cheer meter. And then I… I ran away,” Holly said, all the fire going out of her voice.
“Oh, child,” Lumi said, pulling her in for a hug. “Being in love is scary. It’s taking a risk. But you took away Ash’s choice, and that’s not right. You may be depriving him of his chance to love in return.”
“What do you mean? What choice did I take away? To be with me? That could never work. I’mMs. Claus. I’m a fairy tale. Ash is a human. I can’t ask him to be with someone who can never tell him the truth. He deserves better than that.”
Lumi sighed again, but her eyes were kind. “You could tell him the truth.”
Holly thought she must have misheard her. “Sorry?”
