Page 98 of The Obvious Check
“Umm, yes? No. I don’t know. I just never imagined myself getting married after my parents died, and all of this is kind of bringing up a lot of emotions.”
“Oh.”
She shakes her head, laughing nervously. “I guess I didn’t think I’d ever find someone I’d want to commit something like that to.”
“Something like what? To love?”
She shakes her head. “No. To lose. To commit to loving someone until you lose them in the worst kind of way. I don’t know. It always felt tragic to me. You find someone you want to love forever, but that’s physically impossible, right? We all know it, yet we celebrate it. I’ve lost the two most important people in my life once. Doing it again… with you… feels like it could end up a lot like torture.”
The words hit me like a freight train to the chest, stealing every breath from my lungs. Through the screen, I watch her curl deeper into herself, making herself smaller, like she's trying to disappear entirely.
“So because you don’t want it to end, you won’t even let it start?”
I wish I were there with her right now so I could scoop her up and bring her to our bed. Not to have my way with her, but to hold her and prove that I’m not going anywhere. I will fucking fight for her until my last breath.
Thankfully, Stanley jumps back onto the couch and snuggles up to her, offering the comfort I wish I could.
“I guess so,” she says meekly, and she tries to discreetly wipe a tear away. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve always felt a little numb, like maybe all my emotions turned off the day I was sent to California, and I haven’t been able to get them back on until you.”
Her honesty is refreshing and although it stings a tiny bit to hear her say that I’m glad she feels close enough to me to express it.
“As much as I’d like to take all the credit for that. It’s not completely true, though, is it?”
“What do you mean?”
“You haven’t turned your emotions off. If you had, you wouldn’t be fighting right now.”
“I’m not fighting.”
I shake my head. “You fight every fucking day and don’t see it, Savannah. Hit after hit, you take every single thing that happens to you in your stride, and you push for better. You have more hope and strength in your pinkie finger than I’ve ever seen in anyone else. Don’t drag yourself down with the notion that you can’t love because you will lose. That’s life. We all lose that battle in the end, but if you give up before then, what’s the point? Why are you trying to get your sister back?”
“Because I love her.” She presses her teeth into her bottom lip, and I can tell she’s holding it all in. She always does. She has to keep this façade of being strong because otherwise it’ll all come crashing down on her.
“Exactly. Fight for what you love. For what you want. Lord knows I’m fighting.”
“What are you fighting for?”
“You.” I let that fact sink in. “I’m fighting to prove you’re worth everything I want to give you.”
She doesn’t say anything, just gives me a small nod in acknowledgment.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m worried that once helping the poor orphan girl novelty wears off, it’s all going to be over.”
“Are you worried I’m not going to go through with this?”
“I-I don’t know.”
She is. How could she possibly believe me when everyone else has left her?
“I’m never going to leave you,” I breathe out the words without thinking. Fuck me, this girl is tortured, and it’s all her own doing. “I know a lot of people have let you down in your life,but please don’t look at me like that without even giving me the opportunity to prove to you that I’ll fight for you.”
“I don’t plan on leaving either,” she says quietly, and boy does that admission do more for my heart than it should.
“Good. Then before we even think about getting married, I need to meet your sister. We can do it virtually, or I can figure out a way to get you on the flight for our next game in Connecticut.”
Her head snaps up at that. “Wha—you mean,seeher? In person?”
