Page 36 of The Little Provence Book Shop
Adeline looked at him.
‘How long is your contract?’ he pressed.
‘Three months, initially.’
‘Oh, that’s not too bad!’ Kevin looked relieved. ‘So maybe finish that up and come home?’
Adeline felt something sink inside her stomach. ‘Kevin, I’m not sure I want to. For starters, I’m hoping Monique is going to extend it. And I’m not sure I’m finished with this place yet!’
‘Even if you find your birth mum? You still want to stay?’
Adeline set her fork down. ‘Well, what’s the harm? It’s lovely here. Somewhere different. And… I don’t know, it’s starting to feel like home.’
He made a face. ‘But you’ll come to yourrealhome eventually, right?’
‘London? Yes, probably. But I’m not sure when.’
‘Just be careful.’
‘Careful?’ She felt herself stiffen. ‘Why?’
‘It’s a lovely place,’ he agreed. ‘But it’s notyou,Addy. You’re a city girl.’
‘Am I though?’ she challenged. ‘Just because I’ve never lived somewhere like this doesn’t mean I don’t love the life here.’
‘But have you thought about her?’ he said, nodding discreetly at Lili who was chopping up her remaining piece of pizza, creating some sort of elaborate artwork on her plate.
‘Yes. She’s pretty happy here, Kevin, in case you hadn’tnoticed.’ She could hear anger in her words when she spoke and tried to lighten her tone. The last thing she wanted to do was argue with him. And it didn’t matter really what he thought. She didn’t need his or anyone else’s approval to live her life the way that was right for her.
He put his hand over hers, gently. She felt her fingers stiffen but kept her hand in place. ‘Yes, she is,’ he said. ‘And that’s the problem.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘What I mean is, maybe you have to make a decision sooner than you think. About whether you want to live here for years. Forever maybe. I can imagine it’ll be great to live here for a bit. Get your fix of the French culture – a break from the everyday. But sooner or later you’re probably going to want to come home.’
‘So then I’ll come home.’
‘But by then,’ he said, ‘thiswill be Lili’s home. It’s already becoming her home.’
‘But…’
‘You’ve got this feeling of not belonging. Not quite fitting in. That’s what you said, isn’t it? That’s what you told me when you found the papers.’
‘Well, yes.’
‘But don’t you see? You might be fixing your own need to understand yourself, feel part of things. Find your roots. But what are you doing to her? She won’t remember London in a few months’ time. This will be her home. So when you move back, you’ll be making her feel displaced. Torn. She already thinks your boss is her grandmother.’
Adeline drew her hand away. ‘Oh, come on, she’s just five. Five-year-olds create their own sense of things.’
‘We all do. We all try to make sense of things. And I get it. Ireally do. But just be careful you aren’t creating problems for Lili down the line. Her own sense of not fitting in. Displacement,’ he said, shrugging and shoving a piece of pizza into his mouth.
Adeline put her fork down. She suddenly didn’t feel hungry.
Across the table, Lili was looking at them. ‘Stop it,’ she said.
‘What?’
‘Stop fighting, you two,’ she said, wagging a finger.
