Page 15 of The Riviera House Swap
Nina felt the blood rush to her head as she stood up too fast. She stumbled slightly before regaining her composure and putting her hands together, as instructed. ‘But what if it was doomed from the start?’ she whispered. ‘What if the fact that I was still carrying a torch for – maybe was even in love with – another man, meant that Rory and I never stood a chance?’
‘Oh Nina. You weren’t in love. Lust, maybe. Come on, you barely knew the bloke really,’ said Bess. ‘It was just a week, a shag behind a disco. A few letters… It’s natural to wonder, of course. But seriously. You’d have gone over, had a brief fling, realised you were too young, or incompatible, or that it was just about sex or whatever, and come back.’
‘Maybe.’
‘The risk thing – the things we said. It was more about now. More about trying to help you – encourage you – to open yourself up. About what you do next, not what you didn’t do twenty-three years ago. I mean, I know we’re forty, but come on, I still feel young,’ Bess said, groaning as they were once again asked to move into downward dog. ‘Relatively young,’ she added in a more choked voice, her head once again upside down.
Nina laughed as she turned her face towards her friend. ‘Speak for yourself,’ she said quietly. ‘I think my days of being bendy and fit might be seriously limited.’
They gratefully retreated into child’s pose, kneeling down, their arms tucked around, heads on the mat.
‘It wasn’t really what you said,’ Nina explained. ‘That’s what started me thinking, maybe. But I suppose it was me. I started to think of all the times I’ve turned my back on adventure.’
Bess nodded, her head wobbling on the mat. ‘I get that,’ she said. ‘We all feel like that sometimes, no matter how good things are in real life. It’s normal. But you have to look forward. I’ll?—’
‘Yes, but the more I thought about it. The more I read his letters,’ said Nina. ‘The more I remembered how he made me feel. The more I wondered whether not going to him when I could have might have been the mistake that sort of set my life on this course.’
‘Oh Nina…’
‘I know it sounds crazy. I get it. But looking at how he is now – oh God, Bess, he still has those eyes… I could imagine myself being with him. What if I let my chance of happiness go? What if we’re soulmates?’
‘You don’t believe in soulmates,’ said Bess, clambering up and swinging her legs forward before lying down for the relaxation part of the session.
‘Well, what if that was a mistake too?’ Nina said. ‘What if there are soulmates fated to be together and Pierre is mine, and I’ve turned my back on him all these years? I mean, finding his picture so… well, relatively easily online. Finding so much about his life now. Surely it has to mean something.’
‘It means,’ hissed Bess out of the corner of her mouth, eyes now closed, ‘that you were very bored in that work meeting and spent an inordinate amount of time sifting through Pierres to find your one true love.’
‘Not that much time.’
‘Nina,’ Bess opened one eye, its eyebrow arched. ‘Seriously, don’t beat yourself up about it. It was a long time ago. And maybe you would have been happy. Who knows? But I reckon there are some brilliant things in your future. Really, I do.’
‘You could be right,’ Nina said, turning her head towards her friend’s as the teacher walked around the room asking them to imagine floating above their bodies, feeling weightless. She noticed the woman in front glare at her and made an apologetic grimace. But somehow she couldn’t let this go, couldn’t wait until after the class. ‘Because I’m going to go and find him.’
Bess’s eyes snapped open. ‘What the actualfuck?’ she said, loudly enough for all the heads to turn towards them. ‘Sorry,’ she said holding up her palms. Everyone seemed to be glowering at them both. ‘It’s just that she…’ She looked at Nina, who was shaking her head. ‘Sorry. Look, we’ll go, we’ll go.’ She stood up and grabbed her water bottle. ‘Coming?’
Her face on fire, Nina followed her friend, still feeling the eyes of the room – judging and annoyed – on them both. Outside, they descended into the type of giggles they’d used to have when they’d got in trouble with a teacher at school. ‘Oh God,’ Bess said. ‘We’re going to have to find a new class, aren’t we?’
‘Youare,’ said Nina. ‘I might have talked a bit, but at least I didn’t yell out the f-word during meditation.’ She smiled and linked her arm through her friend’s. ‘Come on, let’s go and get coffee or something.’
They left the gym and exited onto the cold street, each pulling her hoody more closely as the air hit them. ‘Christ, I should have brought a coat,’ Bess said.
‘Do you want mine? It’s in my bag. I’m still quite warm.’
‘No let’s just get inside,’ said Bess, diving into their familiar coffee shop. It was just after lunch and the place was filled with the debris of the meal before, and the chatter of customers. It was a relief to be able to talk properly at last. ‘You didn’t mean it, right?’ she said, when they were queueing to order their post-yoga lattes.
‘Why not?’ Nina said. ‘I’ve got the money, I can get some time off work, I reckon. Why not have a trip to France?’
‘Yes, that bit sounds relatively… sane,’ her friend said. ‘But tracking down your French exchange crush? Seriously? That is the stuff of madness.’
‘Or great, classic love stories.’
‘What?’
‘Well, you know. Estranged lovers reunited after years… second-chance romance. Listening to fate at last. All of that.’
‘You know you sound completely insane, right?’
‘Yes,’ said Nina. ‘I do! But don’t you think it’s about time?’
