Page 86 of The Bordeaux Book Club
‘Has he lost it, Mum?’ Scarlett asked, her question seemingly genuine.
‘Leah,’ he said, stepping forward and taking both her hands. ‘I’m not a Tom. I’m not a cheery chap who can make do and mend. I’m… if anything, I’m a Jerry!’
‘Don’t say that!’ she told him. ‘You’re not… a Jerry. With his stupid suits and his quips – he didn’t understand what they were trying to do by living self-sufficiently at all!’
‘Hang on,’ Scarlett said, too incredulous, clearly, to inject the normal amount of venom into her tone. ‘Jerry? Are we talking about a cartoon now?’
‘Well, then I’m not sure who I am,’ Nathan said. ‘All I knew is that I had to make a change. I had to find a way to make our life work in a different way. Over here.’
‘Why didn’t you just talk to me?’
‘Because I’d persuaded you that this would be good for us. I’d made you buy into this ridiculous dream. And I wanted to find a good alternative to it before I ripped it away. I wanted to be able to present you with the possibility of another kind of life – with me, with Scarlett – rather than let you down.’
‘You wouldn’t have,’ Leah said, softly, allowing him to hold her hands still. Somewhere, a church clock chimed two.
‘Wouldn’t have what?’ he said.
‘Let me down,’ she said. ‘It would have been a relief if you’d said something,’ she told him, shaking her head. ‘I mean, I liked the idea of it. When we were working too much andalways stressed and feeling ill. The idea of having land and making our own stuff. And living that kind of self-sufficient life. Yes. But the reality of it? The getting up early, sowing seeds, digging in seedlings, bloody home-made fertiliser and vegetable soup? Nathan, couldn’t you see I was desperate to do something different?’
‘What?! Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘Because,’ she said, ‘I thought it wasyourdream.’
They smiled uncertainly at one another. And she almost felt OK. Then she pulled her hands from his. ‘But none of that explains Adeline,’ she said. ‘Unless she was just a way for you to… keep yourself happy?’ The last part came out in a sort of cry. For a moment, she’d forgotten about his trips out – she was so relieved that things seemed to be coming together.
‘Adelineisa counsellor,’ he said, softly. ‘I didn’t lie. And a life coach too. But she’s also a hand-holder – you know, helps people manage the bureaucracy over here? And she’s been helping me find a direction, set things up.’
‘Set what up, exactly?’
‘Well, to find a potential new property. A job. I wanted to present it all to you – like a gift. Make you happy.’
Leah snorted. ‘If she’s such a great life coach, why didn’t she suggest you talked to me?’
Nathan coloured. ‘She… well, she did. I guess, I’m just too stubborn.’
‘Well, I won’t argue with you there.’
‘And, Leah, I’ve managed to get a new job. Tonight. She coached me. I had an interview. We waited in a bar for the call afterwards. That’s why it took so long. And look, I haven’t accepted it yet. I wanted to tell you. Now I could show you how it could all work.’
‘So nothing’s happened between you?’
He shook his head. ‘Never,’ he said. ‘She’s married in any case. To someone who looks like bloody Ryan Gosling. But it wouldn’t matter if she wasn’t because I’m just not interested.’
‘Really?’
‘What’s the job?’ came a voice. Scarlett.
‘Sorry?’ Nathan said.
‘You said you’ve got a job. What is it?’
‘An editor. There’s a paper – an English-language one; bigger in Paris at the moment. But they want to start a Bordeaux edition. And they have asked me to head it up. See if there’s a market for it.’
‘Oh.’
‘The good news is I can work from home, or in a shared space they’re renting. So I can be around as much as you want…’ His words faltered. ‘If you want. If you still want, Leah.’
‘But what will I do?’ she asked quietly.
