I shrug, raising my eyebrows. “It’s just a story. I didn’t think it was important. And I’m telling you now.Isit important?”
For another moment he stares hard at me, but then he shrugs and gives a forced laugh. “Just a story, indeed. The dark must be addling Kallias’s brain. Inanycase, we’re going to do what the Iljaria did not. We’re going to drive those Daerosian bastards from our shores once and for all.”
Saga nods, a fierce light in her eyes. “Damn right we are.” She yelps as she slips with her knife and slices her finger.
Indridi curses softly and digs for a bandage in her sewing kit. She binds Saga’s finger while Vil paces over to me. He grabs my hand and tugs me a little away from the others. My heart races, my lips remembering our moonlit kiss weeks ago.
Clouds knot over the stars, and the wind is bitter.
“What is it?” I ask him, warring with myself over whether to pull my hand away, or pull him closer.
His eyes fix on me, sharp and clear, and my stomach clenches. “I wanted to make sure you were all right,” he says. “After our talk last night. After we ran into the Iljaria today. You’ve been ... quiet.”
I find myself staring at his mouth.
“The Iljaria’s presence doesn’t change anything. We continue on as before.” He lets go of my hand and puts both of his on my shoulders. There is precious little space between us now. “You have nothing to fear, from Iljaria or Daeros, either. You know that, right? I’m going to keep you safe.”
My throat catches and my eyes fill. “I know.”
Vil takes a breath, lifting one hand to smooth his thumb against my cheek. I shut my eyes and lean into him, tucking my head under his chin. He holds me like that for a little while. His heart beats out a mad rhythm beneath my ear.
Before I’m quite ready, Vil pulls away, pressing a brief kiss on my brow before heading toward his tent. I take my jumble of emotions to the tent I share with the other women. I tug a comb through my curls, change into my sleeping shift, and crawl into my bedroll. I stare up at the ceiling of the tent. Sleep feels far away.
Saga comes in a little while later, Indridi conspicuously absent. I wonder if she’s lingering by the fire, hoping for the chance to speak with Vil. Nausea churns in my gut.
I shut my eyes and pretend to be asleep, but Saga isn’t fooled. She pokes me until I sigh and sit up, looking at her in the light of her lantern. My fingers go unconsciously to my ears. They’ve healed well, due in part, I’m sure, to Saga making me clean them with alcohol every night for the first six weeks.
Saga presses a cup of tea into my hands. “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on with you and Vil?”
I fight down a surge of annoyance that Saga feels entitled to this information. I sip the tea. “Nothing’s going on, Saga.”
She presses her lips together and fiddles with the hem of her shirt. “You and I both know that isn’t true. My brother has feelings for you. Do you return them or not?”
I shove down the urge to curse at her. “What do you want me to do, Saga?”
She folds her arms across her chest. “I want you to figure out how you feel about him, so you can either claim him or cut him loose so he can find a way to heal his broken heart.”
I sag. “I don’t—I don’tknowhow I feel, Saga. How am I supposed to feel about anything? How am I supposed tofeel, at all?”
“That didn’t keep you from kissing that bastard son of Kallias in the tunnels,” she says viciously.
I grind my jaw, tears pricking hot. “That was different.”
“Why?”
I blink and see sparks of blue and silver; I taste magic, enough to light the dark. I don’t want to parcel out my feelings, lay them on a tray like Saga’s earrings, pick out the ones I want to keep. I don’t even know how.
“Ballast was my friend,” I say quietly. I have no other excuse to offer.
Her anger is palpable, and tears shine on her cheeks. “He killed Hilf, Brynja.Murderedhim. I don’t understand why that doesn’t matter to you.”
I duck my head, knotting my fingers in my blanket. “It does. It haunts me. But you know that wasn’t his fault.”
“Now you’redefendinghim?”
I take a breath. Try to steady myself. “He was trapped in Kallias’s control. Just like the rest of us.”
“He wasnothinglike the rest of us. Hilf is gone. Hilf isgone. Because ofhim.” She collapses, sobbing, and I put the tea down and scoot over to her, pulling her tight against me, holding her as she shakes and cries.
