Page 56 of The Outsider
“Why don’t you ask your new girlfriend?” John said sardonically.
Kimmy frowned and looked at Asha. “What?”
“Long story short,” he continued, “she thinks I’m a piece of shit who traps helpless women and makes them fuck me for favours.”
Kimmy’s eyes widened, and she stared hard at Asha for a moment.
“If that’s how you really feel,” I said, suppressing another cough, “you can get the hell out of here, Asha. He’s the love of my life.”
John’s expression softened slightly at my declaration, and he enclosed my gloved hand in his own.
“Yeah, I know,” Asha shot back. “You ‘love’ him in the fucked up, Stockholm Syndrome way that people learn to love their captors. But—”
“Is that what you think?” Kimmy asked. “That we’ve beaten Claire down so much that she’s given in?”
Asha looked cornered. “Notyou, Kim—”
“Just my brother,” she interrupted furiously. “Just the guy I was raised with, traveled with for the last two years, who comes from the same place I do. If you think I’d tolerate him if he was doing anything like that, you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”
Not difficult, since she’s known you for all of a few weeks,I thought bitterly.Meanwhile, I’ve known her for years and I would’ve never predicted this.
“I meant what I said,” I said to Asha. “Decide. Now.”
She studied me, deep brown eyes full of curiosity, doubt, and resentment. Then she surprised me.
“I’m sorry,” she said to John in a dutiful sort of way. “I take back the things I said.” Her expression changed, and for the first time, I sawhints of everything she was holding back. “I…I’ve seen a lot of shit in the last ten months, and none of it was good. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it all.”
Kimmy’s expression was a conflicted mix of pain and anger as she glanced back and forth between Asha and John. I looked to John, wondering if her apology was enough for him. There was anger contained in the tension of his jaw, but also a look of resignation in his eyes. I knew he didn’t have it in him to leave a helpless woman to die in the cold—even one that got on every nerve he had. Even one he only saved to spare me guilt.
“Fine,” he bit out. “Claire needs rest, and I think you and my sister need to talk.”
One look at Kimmy and no one could doubt it was true. Her gaze was cold as ice, and Asha looked cowed for once. The corner of John’s mouth ticked slightly upward in amusement, but it faded as he helped me to my feet, hearing me cough all the way up.
I was grateful when, several minutes later, he crawled into my sleeping bag with me and snuggled against my back. He always slept without a shirt now to avoid overheating, and his skin radiated warmth. I could feel his collarbone against my shoulder, rising more sharply than usual; he, too, had lost weight over the last few weeks and was thinner than I’d ever seen him. It hurt me to see him suffer, but typical John just told me not to worry about him.Too bad, I’d answered.Someone has to worry about you, and it’s going to be me.
He pressed a kiss against my neck, cradling me against his body, and sleep closed in on me again almost instantly. Even my worst nightmares could be soothed with the knowledge that he was near.
“How do you feel?” John murmured by my ear.
“Better,” I replied, eyelids heavy.
He took a couple of slow, deep breaths. I could faintly hear Kimmy laying into Asha, her voice edged with anger and regret, and Asha’s softer replies, entreating and uncomfortably tender.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “She’s right. I haven’t been taking care of you like I should.”
“Not true,” I said, perturbed, before enduring another dry cough. “None of us are exactly thriving in this environment. We’re all doing our best. You most of all.”
There was a pause, but I felt his body relax, as though I’d lifted a burden from him.
“Did you mean what you said?” he asked.
“About what?”
“That…I’m the love of your life.”
I hesitated briefly. He was the only person I trusted entirely, and sometimes the vulnerability of it still frightened me. So much could happen in the Wasteland—I’d learned that the hard way. But I’d promised myself I’d be brave.
“Yes,” I whispered. “With all my heart.”
