Page 87 of Second Rodeo
I’m trying.
But it’s hard not to scream when the woman you love looks at you like a stranger. It’s hard not to break when she smiles at another man like she used to smile at you.
I’m still going to wait.
I’m going to court her this time. Show up for her in every way I failed to do that before. I’ll stop being selfish if that’s what it takes to win her back. I’ll do it. No matter how long it takes. No matter how many times she looks through me like I’m no one.
Because once upon a time, I was her whole world.
And I’ll be damned if I don’t find a way to be that again.
Chapter 37: Regan
I twist my hands in my lap, nerves tightening my fingers as Declan and I ride in silence, the soft rumble of his small, very familiar black pickup truck filling the space between us.?
I don’t know why I feel like this, like my stomach is tied in knots, like I’m bracing for something I don’t understand. Maybe it’s because I realized just how out of the loop I really am when Declan finally came to see me in the hospital a week ago.
There’s something broken between us, something that split before my accident, and I can’t seem to wrap my head around it. And beyond that, I feel torn.
Guilt rips through my core, sharp and sudden, at the way I just looked at Hayes, correction, lusted at Hayes, my roommate. I shamelessly studied every inch of his naked torso and was practically drooling all over the stable floor thinking back to that night we spent together seven years ago.
My husband.
How the hell am I supposed to process the fact that I was ogling him an hour before going on a date with Declan? The guy who, in my mind, is still my boyfriend—but somehow isn’t? The guy who was my ex. My almost-fiancé. And now… nothing. Because I turned down his proposal and ended up marrying someone else in a span of a week.
I told everyone I wasn’t confused, that I was fine, that I wasn’t freaking out like they kept expecting me to. But suddenly, my grip on that careful control feels slippery, and I realize I might be seconds away from losing it. I mean, hell, I just got home from the hospital. I should probably be just chilling the fuck out instead of going out with my ex right now, but I guess it’s too late.
“How are you feeling?” Declan asks, his voice smooth and easy.
He turns his head slightly, flashing me a familiar smile. His hand squeezes my thigh in familiarity, but I don’t touch it back. His palm has been resting there on my leg since I climbed into his truck, warm and steady. I liked it at first. I think? It grounds me. Feels familiar, like how we used to ride together when we’d drive around town. Except for one small thing. That nagging voice in the back of my head whispering thatthings have changed. That, according to Molly and Rae, we haven’t been like this in months, and I shouldn’t be letting him touch me.
“I’m feeling good,” I say, clearing my throat. “No physical pain, thankfully. Maybe a little dizziness today, but I heard that’s a side effect of whiplash. It should go away eventually.”
His fingers flex gently against my thigh, his smile staying easy, and I let out a slow breath as he turns onto Main Street, pulling into the parking lot of The Barbecue Pit.
Our place.
Okay, this feels normal. This feels like us.
He hops out first, rounding the truck hood before opening my door like always, holding out a hand to help me down. I step out with a smile, the afternoon sun catching the hem of my dress. It’s one of my favorites—casual but put-together, red and purple flowers dotting the bodice, thin straps brushing my shoulders. I feel beautiful in it and by the way he’s looking at me right now, I can tell he thinks so too.
He threads his fingers through mine easily, like muscle memory, and I melt just a little.
This is easy.
This is how it should be.
Why did I break up with him?
He holds the door open for me as we walk inside, straight to the register. The scent of smoked meat and hickory clings to the air, and for a second, everything feels alright. Freak out be damned. I’m going to be okay on this date tonight.
“What would you like, babe?” he asks softly.
I hesitate, scanning the menu even though I already know what I want. “Beans, mac and cheese, and a pulled pork sandwich, please.”
His smile deepens as he gives my hand another squeeze, then places our order before guiding us to a booth. He slides into one side, and I settle across from him, watching as he stretches a strong arm along the back of the seat while we wait for our food.
Declan has always been a handsome man. Strong jaw, deep brown eyes, broad shoulders. It was his looks that caught my attention first, but it was his steady presence that kept me coming back. He’s dependable. Reliable. Works long hours for Molly’s friend Rhett Miller’s plumbing company in town, but he’s always there when it counts.
