“I don’t care if you drink as long as you’re willing to shake it with me on the dance floor. I remember your moves from this summer, girl.”
My heart sinks thinking about this summer. It was only a few months ago, and yet, I feel like these past few weeks have made it seem like a lifetime ago.
“I’ll be sure to let my hair down, as they say inRapunzel.” My lame attempt at a joke hits the mark for Brooke. She squeals in excitement.
“Yes! Okay, we’ve got to go costume shopping. Can you go after your next class? We should take advantage of this afternoon without practice.”
“Yeah, I’ll drive us.” That’s another invisible scar I’ve picked up since the accident. I’m not scared to drive, but I refuse to relinquish control to others. So far, I’ve only been comfortable getting in a car with Carson driving. Well, and Griff, too, when he broke up with me.
Halloween weekend is officially here. Brooke and I joined our teammates at one of the upperclassmen’s off-campus houses to get ready earlier.
Now we’re at one of the frat houses on Greek Row, dancing on a makeshift dance floor to “Thriller.” I’m starting to regret my costume choice because my hair feels heavy and keeps getting tangled against my sweat-slicked skin.
After realizing my phone was buzzing, and it wasn’t just the bass of the music, I grab it from my bra.
My heart stutters when I see his name flash across the screen.
I swipe to answer the call, covering my other ear so I can hear better over the noise. “Griff?” I answer with a question, unable to believe he’s actually calling me. My feet move quickly from the dance floor. I need to get outside so I can hear him better.
Griffin’s deep voice comes through the other end. “McKenna. Sunshine, is it really you? Where are you?” His speech is slurred so much that I can barely understand him. Every butterfly that erupted in my chest at finally seeing his name on my phone is quickly laid to rest hearing him like this.
I get outside to the front porch of the frat house just as some guy says, “Hey, blondie. Who are you supposed to be?”
Griff cuts in before I can say anything. “Oh, I get it. Sorry for interrupting. Forget I called.”
“No, Griff! Please don’t hang up. I just had to get outside so I could hear you. You’re not interrupting, ever. I promise.”
“I hate the sound of your voice. Do you know that? It makes me feel. I don’t want to fucking feel anything, McKenna.” His voice cracks as he whispers, “Everything hurts, Sunshine.”
His broken voice reopens every wound in my heart.
I cover my mouth to choke back the sob before it can leave my throat. Tears flood my vision. “I know, baby. I know the pain is unbearable. But I could never hate the beautiful sound of your voice.”
God, I’ve missed hearing his voice.
His agony bleeds through every word as he says, “I miss you. So fucking much. Why did you have to make me fall in love with you? Don’t you get it? The only two other women I’ve ever loved in my life are gone. Everyone I love fucking dies, McKenna.”
My heart shatters with the realization that he pushed me away because, in his heart, he honestly believes it’s what’s best for me.
“Griffin, baby, please listen to me. I love you so much. I’m still yours—every piece of me is still yours. Don’t push me away anymore.”
“I have to. I can’t lose you, too. Even if I can’t have you with me, at least I know you’re alive and thriving.”
I can’t help but scoff at that. “Thriving?” I ask incredulously, raising my voice. “In what alternate reality of yours am I thriving, Griffin? The one where I not only lost my best friend but also the love of my life in one go? I’m anything and everythingbutthriving,” I damn near yell.
“Fine, fuck, fine!” he shouts back, slurring even more now. “You’re right. Neither one of us may be thriving right now, but you sure look like you’re making one hell of a go at replacing me. I saw those pictures, McKenna. I hope little Rapunzel finds her Prince fucking Charming tonight.”
And with that, he hangs up on me. When I try to call him back, it goes right to voicemail.
How much longer can I fight a losing battle before I give up?
He doesn’t want me anymore.
Griffin
The past few weeks have been a blur. I got so fucked out of my mind on Halloween I don’t even remember calling Kenna. Maks had to tell me the next day.
Lately, my life has been a toxic cycle, repeating every day. If I’m not on the ice or trying to blow off class, I’m drowning myself in a bottle of liquor. I don’t even have a preference. If it will drown out the pain, I’ll drink it.
