Page 60 of Joy Guardian
“My precious Ciana.” Kurai sank to his knees in front of me. “Trust is not a sin, nor is it your fault. It’s a gift you bestow on others. You can’t be blamed for them mishandling that precious gift.”
“Yet it’s always me who ends up paying for it. I’m the one getting hurt.”
“I’ll never hurt you.”
I scoffed at that. “You promised tokillme.”
“I promised to protect the Joy from any harm.”
“And I am the harm, ain't I?”
“No.” He smiled gently. “You are the Joy, my darling—the most precious joy in its purest form that makes our world better, not worse. That’s why I’m still alive. I gave a vow to protect the Joy. A fae cannot break a promise or he would lose his mind and die a terrible death. If you really were a threat to the Source of Joy, I would’ve already died because I cared for you, kept you alive, and brought you here, into the Joy’s sacred sanctuary. But I’m still very much well and alive. I’ve been wondering why, and I believe I know the answer. Because my vow isn’t broken. On the contrary, by protecting you, I’ve been upholding it. I’d die to protect you, and I believe that deep in your heart you always knew it, that’s why you trusted me. And I sincerely hope that you trust me still.”
The passion in his words resonated through me, reaching myheart and urging me to believe him. Caution warred with that urge, however. Mistrust had rooted deep in my mind. A big part of it was mistrust in myself and in my judgement.
“What are you planning to do with me then?” I asked cautiously. “If you believe that I’m the same as the Joy in those jars upstairs, are you going to put me under a glass too? To use me as your personal source of joy whenever you feel like a pick-me-up?”
He put a soothing hand over my fidgeting fingers.
“If there is anything I’ve learned from my unlimited access to all your emotions, my dear, it’s that your joy is a flitting, delicate thing. It’s generous in its abundance but can disappear completely in an instant. Your negative emotions often negate the pleasure of the positive ones. Your fear, uncertainty, and sorrow run deep, which makes being with you often more painful than joyful. Yet I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to be with you not just because I want your joy, but also because I know I can help you get through the less cheerful moments. I want to be there for you when you’re scared, hurt, or even just anxious, because I know that my presence makes you feel better. You want me in your life. You need me. And I’m not going anywhere for as long as you do.”
Unable to stand the intensity in his eyes, I dropped my gaze to my lap. My hands were gripping his, with our fingers laced together.
“I…I don’t know what to think,” I muttered. “How can I trust my decisions if I can’t even trust my own mind?”
“Trust your heart then. What is it telling you?”
I exhaled a laugh. “My heart is stupid. It just wants to be where you are.”
Letting go of my hands, he slid his palms up my arms to cup my face and to lift it to his, making me finally meet his eyes.
“If your heart is stupid, Ciana, then so is mine, for it also wants to be with you. Always.”
Sixteen
CIANA
“Keep the skirt you’re wearing.” Kurai said, packing a few things from his room into his satchel bag. “Pretending you’re a Joy Guardian might not be the best, considering the circumstances, but it’s much better than letting people know you’re a Joy Vessel.”
“If anyone asks, I’ll pretend I’m your kid apprentice.” I smiled, pointing at our significant height difference.
I was pretty tall for a human. However, the fae dwarfed me, even their women.
“If anyone asks, you’ll keep quiet. And have this up at all times.” He arranged the second layer of my skirt over my head and shoulders, pinning it to my hair in a way that concealed most of my face. “Let’s hope no one will come close enough to see your face or hear your voice until we’re safe again.”
We couldn’t return to Kalmena, and we couldn’t stay at the temple. Since we decided to stay together, the only solution was to try our luck elsewhere.
“Are you certain that Himerum is where we’ll be safe?” I asked.
“For now, it’s the best place I can think of. Himerum is a small hamlet with too few people and not enough wealth for other desert dwellers to attack it. People there mind their own business and don’t ask questions. As long as you stay out of sight, you’ll be safe.”
“And how about you?”
“What about me?”
“Kurai, the worst thing that can happen to me is that the guards catch me and bring me back to thesarai. But if they catch you, they’ll execute you. Oria said they’ll cook you alive.” I bit my bottom lip to prevent it from trembling. The thought of something so horrible happening to him gutted me.
He pressed his lips into a firm line, shaking his head. “Oria is overly dramatic at times.”
