Page 112 of Joy Guardian
I met his eyes and found the answer to my unspoken question in them.
“You’ve figured it out?” I exclaimed in wonder.
“I believe I have.” He nodded. “I figured that if some of ourassumptions were correct, and the First Priestess was indeed a human, if she was the one who created the Source of Joy in the temple, then she must’ve filled it with her own joy first. And if that theory is correct, then our Source of Joy didn’t start by some divine entity like we blindly believed all this time. It came from a human woman, just like you…” He stroked the side of my face tenderly. “And if she could do it, using the knowledge she’d gained by observing ourleilathaharnesses on her first visit here, then I could try to replicate it too. You see, Ciana, blind trust in the divine paralyzes our minds. By believing that the Source of Joy came from the gods, we failed to look closer and recognize what we ourselves could do.”
I turned the glass in my hands. “You really think it’ll work?”
“There is one way to find out.” He ran a hand down my arm, circling the golden rosettes of my harness with the tips of his fingers.
Tingles of pleasure skittered along my skin in the wake of his touch. The rosettes smoked with the black shadows emerging from them. Short tendrils of shadows flared out of Kurai’s arms too. The wounds on his arms had healed, no longer looking like gaping holes that tormented me with guilt and compassion. But his growing tendrils were still too new to stretch long enough to be useful on their own.
“You want to create a new Source of Joy. Is that what this is for?” I clarified, setting the magical vial back onto the stand. My tendrils extended fully, but I didn’t connect them with his.
“Yes,” he replied simply.
“And you want me to be the first one to start it?”
“Only if you want to do it.”
With him, I knew I always had a choice in everything. Kurai would never force or manipulate me into doing anything I didn’t wish to do. But I still held some reservations that needed clarification.
“What was your plan for this morning?” I gestured at all the items laid out around the stand.
“I’ll feed you dinner.” He pointed at the tray with food. “Then give you a bath.” He moved his finger to the tub. “Then I’ll massage every part of your body and eat you out for dessert if you let me.” He grinned, making me smile too.
“And while you’re doing all those lovely things to me, we’ll collect my horny feelings in this jar? And call it the new Source of Joy?”
“We can call it anything we want, my sweetest. Will you share your joy with others, Ciana, for them to feel and treasure it for years to come?”
I bit my lip, pondering the consequences of that.
“How much will they know when they feel it? I mean, I’m not sure if I want everything that happens between you and me during our private moments to be for public consumption.”
“They will feel your love for me, but they won’t be able to distinguish it from any other kind of love that will be added to the Source. They will feel the sexual pleasure, but they won’t know who it came from or the exact circumstances under which it was created. Our private moments will remain private, just for you and me, and our memories will be only ours too. But through you, many shadow fae will learn for the first time ever how joyful love can feel. They’ll have a chance to discover all the different kinds of pleasure. Your joy will comfort them in the darkest moments of their lives, and I truly believe it will make them want to be better people, which in turn will make our kingdom a better place for all.”
“You really hope so?” I longed to believe in his words with all my heart.
“It’s not just hope, Ciana.” He paused as if considering what he was about to say next or whether he should say it at all.
“No more secrets, Kurai,” I reminded.
“It’s not a secret.” He shook his head. “It’s only a theory right now that may not hold true for everyone, but…I’ve been feeling joy in your presence even when I’m not connected to you.”
“You have?”
He nodded with genuine excitement dancing in his eyes. “I’m not sure whether it’s just an echo of the joy you’ve brought me in the past, or my memories of your pleasure, but the delight I’m feeling right now is much stronger than just peace and satisfaction that normally would be the highest emotion possible to experience for my kind. For me, loving you is not an affliction to be feared, but a deep, lasting pleasure.”
“And you want others to be able to feel it too?”
“I do. But your joy is yours. No one can decide for you whom to share it with.”
I looked at the empty glass again, thinking back to the Source of Joy I saw in the temple. It felt bizarre to harvest and store emotions as if they were honey or fruit. But if that was the only way for people to experience happiness, I didn’t want to deny them that.
I loved Kurai. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world, and I wished everyone could get at least a taste of our happiness.
“Joy is to be shared,” I said. “Let’s do this.”
We had dinner together. Then Kurai bathed me in the warm fragrant water in the tub. He lathered my body with silky soap in long, languid strokes and gently washed my hair. He kissed me, his breath halting along with mine in pleasure. But my tendrils were not connected to him. All this time, their ends remained in the hexagonal glass he’d made. The glow of magic shone fiercely from the center of the room where the stand with the glass stood.
