Page 47 of Knot Gonna Give You Up
The words take me by surprise. I wasn’t really expecting her to be so bold or blunt with her thoughts. Especially in regard to something so sensitive. She wants to bond, but she also wants a Pack Bond. That seems fast to me. She doesn’t want to pressure me, but isn’t that exactly what she’s asking for? I try to shove down the simmering anxiety in my belly and focus on the table.
“Pack Bond, huh?” I ask, my voice pitched low.
She fidgets in her chair. “Only if you want to. I don’t want to force anyone, that’s not fair to do.”
“I think we allwantto help you with your heat, but the rest of it may feel rushed for some,” Henry says gently.
I lean back into my chair and glance at Jesse. He looks like I feel, a little nauseous and incredibly insecure. Where is this conversation going? Is anyone going to actually ask Jesse or me what we want? Maybe they’ll just refer to us as “some” of them. My eyes glance at Vic, sitting between me and Henry. I’m curious to hear what his response will be to all of this. I know he feels like he’s in a precarious position right now, but as much as I don’t want to give him up, I will if he just wants Josie. I’m not going to push him one way or the other.
“Josie Girl, what do you think about us just all saying how we feel and what we want? No judgment from anyone, but when we’re done sharing our opinions, we can talk about it as a group.” Vic suggests.
Josie bites her lip, but nods, “I think that makes sense. Open communication and all that, right?”
“Exactly, why don’t you go first?” Vic replies.
“Well, if I’m being honest with myself, I want all of you. I’m nervous about bonding, because if we do, it’s all going to be a Mate Match bond, and it’s a lot. I do want you all to be my Pack, though, I truly do. The idea of opening myself up that deeply scares me, but I know none of you would intentionally hurt me.”
She looks over at Jesse, encouraging him to take his turn. Jesse shifts in his seat, looking supremely uncomfortable, but I also know Josie is it for him, so he won’t evade her questions.
“Well, Jojo, you’re it for me. I don’t want another Omega. I never expected to find a full Pack, though, and I don’t know if I can do it. Share myself with that many people and be so open.I like my privacy; Ilikebeing alone, unless it’s with you. So, I guess I don’t have a good answer.”
Josie nods, her eyes glossy with unshed tears, but she also reaches out to squeeze Jesse’s hand. Why does she have to be so amazing? I don’t know how to deal with any of this, and it’s my turn.
“Well, if I’m being totally honest, I’ve been avoiding the entire situation. I don’t know what I want. For the longest time, it’s just been me and Vic, and now there are two other guys and my Match thrown into the mix. It’s confusing and I don’t know if I can bond when I’m this fucked up,” I tell the table, my eyes downcast to my hands that are clenched together.
Vic reaches out and squeezes my shoulder, and the gesture makes me turn my head toward him. His eyes are filled with understanding, but also sorrow. He clears his throat before speaking.
“I hear what you’re saying, Si, it’s a lot. I… I’m all in if I’m being honest. Josie Girl, you’ve been it since we met back in high school. If you have other Matches, all that means to me is that you’re going to be well loved, and I’m more than okay with that outcome.” Vic’s voice cracks at the end.
“What’s wrong?” Josie asks.
“Uh, let’s let Henry go first before we talk more. I want to make sure we all get heard.”
“I’m simple, I want Josie and anything that goes with her. I’ll bond whenever Josie wants to,” Henry says.
“Just like that?” Josie asks.
“Just like that, babe.”
Henry gets the brightest smile from Josie, and I can’t deny that there’s a little bit of jealousy. I want that smile to be directed at me, even though I know why it’s not. My ridiculous Pack issues are going to break her heart, I just know it.
“Okay, Vic, spill it, what’s up?” Josie says, turning to him again.
“I want Si to be a part of things, but,” he turns to me, “I’m not sure you’re ready. I don’t want to lose you.”
All I can do is nod. I’m not sure what else to say at this point.
Josie turns to Jesse, “Okay, I don’t want to be in the middle of Simon and Vic, we don’t need to all watch them work their shit out like it’s a soap opera. Jesse, how… how do we get past this? I meant what I said, I’m not letting you go.”
He smiles gently at her before taking her hand.
“I know, but I’m just not sure about being a Pack,” he says.
We sit in silence for a few minutes, nobody quite sure what to say. It’s awkward, Henry’s trying to subtly comfort Josie while Vic does the same for me. Jesse sits mostly alone, but I can see Josie trying to give him some comfort when I’m not sure she has much comfort to give. This woman is too good for me. Jesse pulls away from Josie’s comfort and stands.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t think I can deal with this right now,” he says softly before giving Josie a kiss on her temple.
Then he throws $20 on the table and walks out. Josie’s trembling hand covers her mouth, and I can hear a soft whimper as she tries to keep any noise in. She doesn’t want to cause a scene, but I think one has already been caused.
