Page 93 of Wisteria and Cloves
"It would be entirely up to you," Miles said gently. "No pressure at all. But it might be nice to have your own space to share things you love—books you're reading, flowers from the garden, your thoughts about learning violin."
The thought of having a platform to express myself, even anonymously, sent a flutter of excitement through me. "Could I use a different name? Not Lilianna?"
"Of course," Nicolaus replied. "Many people use pseudonyms or initials for privacy all the time.”
"I'd like to think about it," I said, the idea growing more appealing as I considered it. "Maybe start small and see how it feels."
Julian nodded, his expression warm. "There's no rush. We can talk more with Mara tomorrow about the options."
I nodded, "And maybe we could start with just one photo," I suggested, warming to the idea. "Something simple, like you said. To test how it feels."
Julian's expression brightened. "That's perfect. Measured steps."
Miles shifted beside me, his arm settling more comfortably around my shoulders. "Speaking of steps, there's something else we should discuss while we're all together."
"What's that?" I asked, setting my teacup down.
"The courting," he said simply. "Now that we've acknowledged it publicly, we should talk about what that means for us privately."
My heart skipped a beat. I'd blurted out my feelings at the café, but we hadn't had time to truly explore what being "theirs" would entail.
"I can't speak for the others, but I would like to take you out on dates—just you and me sometimes," Miles continued, his green eyes holding mine with gentle intensity. "Get to know you one-on-one, without the group dynamic."
My breath caught at the intimacy his words implied. "Individual dates?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
"If you'd like," Julian said, leaning forward slightly. "Traditional courting often involves both group activities and individual time with each potential mate. It allows for deeper connections to develop."
Christopher nodded enthusiastically. "I'd love to cook for you sometime. Just us, no audience. Maybe teach you some techniques if you're interested."
The thought of individual time with each of them sent a flutter of excitement through me. "I'd like that," I said softly, looking around at all four of them. "Very much."
Nicolaus, who had been quietly observing, finally spoke. "Courting also involves certain... traditional elements. Gifts, scent-marking, time spent in each other's territories." His clinical tone couldn't quite mask the warmth in his eyes. "We should discuss your comfort level with these aspects."
I felt heat rise in my cheeks, remembering how naturally I'd accepted scented items for my nest, how I'd already kissed both Julian and Miles. "I think I'm more comfortable with those things than I expected to be," I admitted. "The scent-marking especially. It makes me feel... safe."
"That's how it should feel," Julian said, his voice dropping to a register that made my skin tingle. "Comfort and safety are the foundation of proper courting."
"And desire," Miles added quietly, his thumb tracing gentle circles on my shoulder through the blanket. "You should never feel pressured, but you should also feel free to explore what you want."
The word 'desire' hung in the air between us, loaded with implications that made my breath catch. I was still learning what I wanted, still discovering the woman beneath years of suppression, but I knew with startling clarity that I wanted to explore those feelings with these four men.
"I do want to explore," I said softly, my voice steadier than I felt. "I want to understand what I've been missing, what I've been denied."
Christopher's gray eyes darkened at my admission. "We have all the time in the world, sweetheart. No rushing, no pressure.”
Julian nodded, his expression intense. "We should establish some parameters, though. Boundaries that keep everyone comfortable as we move forward."
"Like what?" I asked, curious about what he meant.
"Like consent," Nicolaus stated plainly. "Nothing happens without your explicit permission. Not a kiss, not a touch, not a scent-mark."
Miles's hand moved to cover mine. "And you can always change your mind. Saying yes once doesn't mean yes forever."
"Also," Christopher added, leaning forward, "we need to be mindful of your hormonal transition. Your body is still adjusting, which means your responses might be... intensified."
I nodded, understanding what he meant. Even casual touches had begun to feel electric lately, my skin hypersensitive to their proximity in ways that sometimes left me breathless.
"Dr. Chen mentioned that," I admitted quietly.
