“Why did you choose here? It’s as public as it gets. I would’ve thought that you would have gotten a five star restaurant on speed dial.”
“If that’s what you want then I can,” he retorted and I fell silent. “The thing is, I don’t think that’s what you want. If you go there, you have to pretend all night. You can’t laugh too loud and you can’t curse like the sailor that you are.”
“Fuck you,” He shot me a look as if to say ‘this is what I’m talking about’.
“Before the town, when was the last time you just sat down and had a coffee or a burger like a normal person? You didn’t care about who was watching or what they were saying. It was just you, in a café or a restaurant that didn’t have ratings in some messed up magazine.”
I wanted to say that it was the night before the show when he dragged me out of the office while I was working late. I wanted totell him that the only time I have felt like I didn’t have to pretend was when I was with him. But the words wouldn’t come out, my lips couldn’t form them and my tongue couldn’t speak them.
“I don’t have the luxury of doing that,” I said instead, “Everyone is watching and waiting and holding their breaths for me to fail. I’m determined to let them suffocate.”
“You’re the one suffocating because you can’t be who you are.”
I hated that he was right. I hated that he could see right through me like I was some piece of transparent glass. I hated that he knew and it frustrated me to no end because I thought I hid things very well. It’s either I’m not as good as I thought or he is better than I thought.
“That wasn’t very nice,” I decided to downplay the entire situation.
“If you wanted nice sunshine, you wouldn’t be here.” I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue to stop myself from saying anything stupid. “All I ask is that for one night, don’t be Adira.”
“I can’t magically stop being myself Nathan. I can’t just exit my body and enter someone else’s.” I folded my hands over my chest. “If there was a way to do that, believe me I would have found it by now.”
He rubbed his pointer finger and thumb over his head in faux frustration and I resisted the urge to laugh.
“Do you always have to take things literally?” he asked and I shrugged with a small smile. “Humor me for one night.”
“Fine, but all I know is how to be Adira. If I’m not her then who am I?”
“Easy; you’re sunshine.”
It wasn’t easy for me to detach myself from my surroundings or the thoughts and the worry but by the time I managed to do it, I found myself having more fun than I’ve had in a very long time.I’m not going to admit it to him or anything like that but I think he already knows.
We had hot chocolate and croissants but we spent most of our time talking. He told me what it was like growing up and he spoke so fondly about his parents. We had vastly different upbringings but if there was one thing we had in common, it was how grateful we were to our parents for supporting the things we loved.
From the way he spoke about his mum, I felt like I knew her. She was kind and loving and I had to ask how he turned out the way he did to which he just rolled his eyes.
Time seemed to fly by while we were there and before I knew it, he was driving me back home. I didn’t want the night to end and as soon as he stopped in front of my house I found myself turning to him.
“Would you like to come in?”
CHAPTER 26: 8 DAYS AFTER…. WELL, HIM
Sunlight was streaming in through my window and I was alone. Those were the first two things I realized when I woke up. As I sat up in bed and took note of the clothes neatly folded on my vanity chair, I knew that Nathan was awake.
The side of the bed he slept in was already cold so I knew he had been up for a while. I glanced at the clock and I was surprised to see that it was already 8 a.m. I rarely ever sleep in but here I am.
I dragged myself out of bed and tied one of my black lace night robes and made my way down the stairs. I heard slight humming and the banging of pans as I made my way into the kitchen. Nathan was standing there in front of the gas like he belonged. The coffee machine was already on and as far as I could see, he was frying eggs.
He must have heard my footsteps because he turned to me, “Good morning.”
“Good morning,” the words came out more confused than anything.
Nathan turned off the gas and set a plate in front of me. Pancakes, eggs and bacon, that was what he made and he slid a steaming cup of coffee in front of me. Something about it felt so intimate and I liked it. I liked seeing him shirtless in my kitchen and feeding me breakfast. Other than my parents, no one else has made breakfast for me.
“Thank you,” I said but he waved me off and took the stool right next to me. “What time did you wake up?”
“Seven,”
So he has been up for a while and if he wanted he leave then he would have. He chose to stay and make me breakfast and wait for me to wake up. I felt like I was reading too much into things but at the same time, I didn’t know if I was.
