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“Isn’t Nathan in there?” she asked but I ignored her question.

I hoped that the more I ignored it, the easier it would be to pretend like we were not just five seconds away from making out in the office.

“I want to see the dresses,” I left no room for arguments in my voice; “You can give me the file after.”

She still looked worried but she nodded and led me down the stairs.

I know in my heart that I barely glanced at the dresses. The truth is, even if they did it less than perfect, there is nothing I can do about it now. I would either take it out of the show entirely or I will have to use it anyway so there is no point stressing about it.

The other truth is that I could not bring myself to focus. My brain was moving a mile a minute and all it could think about was Nathan and his stupid smirk and his stupid mouth and his stupid hands on me. If he had never started the conversation about my tattoos and if I had never risen to the bait then it would never have happened.

We work together and the last thing I need is for someone to make this into something that it is not. If the media gets a whiff of any of this, Nathan will be branded as unprofessional. I don’t really care about what the media says about me because I can handle the backlash- he can too but should he have to?

It hit me as I made my way back to my office that I wasn’t worried about myself, I was worried about him. Nathan has never given me reason to worry about him so why am I worried so badly?

I pushed the thought out of my mind and locked myself in my office. Nathan was downstairs as far as Marissa knew and I knewthat he would give me whatever space he thought I needed so there was no chance of him coming up to see me again.

I got to my table when I realized that there was a plastic coffee cup filled with ice coffee on it. I picked it up and that was when I noticed the little piece of paper that sat right next to it. The note was short but it was enough to have my stupid heart threatening to beat out of its cage.

COFFEE:

I never realized how difficult it was to explain a smell until I had to. I’m so used to just knowing but I’ll see what I can do.

Close your eyes and imagine walking into a cabin in the woods. The crackling log fire, the warmth, the calm. A warm light brown color, the feeling it gives you. Think about getting into bed after a long day of work or taking off your heels when you get into the house. Think of calm movie nights tucked under your blanket. Think of warm silences that you share with your family and friends. That is what coffee is.

Nathan.

As I read that letter I knew. When my first instinct wasn’t to throw it away but to take it home and keep it in a special spot by my bedside table, I knew. As I picked up the cup of coffee with careful hands and sat in front of my desk reading that letter over and over again, I knew. But I wasn’t going to admit it.

People came in and out of my office all day but I patiently waited and watched the clock until it turned to 5. I waited for the time to hit before I took out my phone and sent a message to Olivia. It was three words but it was enough for her to know how urgent it was.

I passed Nathan in the lobby but I couldn’t bring myself to look up at him because I wasn’t exactly sure how I would react and I didn’t trust myself to say the right things.

Miles watched me carefully as he drove. I could tell he wanted to ask a lot of questions but one thing I appreciate about him is his professionalism. He stayed silent throughout the entire ride and once I was home, he gave me my keys and left.

Olivia wasn’t there so I took off my heels and made my way into the kitchen. The first thing I did was retrieve a jar of ice cream. Did I know I shouldn’t be taking that? Yes I did. Did I know that it could affect my dress that I made about two months ago? Yes I did. Did I care? Not exactly.

I took two spoons because I knew Olivia would be here soon and I shoveled ice cream into my mouth without a care in the world while some series that I wasn’t paying attention to played on the TV.

I heard the front door creak open and shut. I knew it was Olivia so I didn’t bother looking up from my seat. She is the only one other than my parents who owned a key to this place. I heard her heels click as she made her way into the living room.

“I have to be home soon because I’m working early tomorrow. You said you needed me so what is-,” she trailed off when she saw me seated cross legged on the couch still in my work clothes and with a tub of ice cream.

“Hi Liv,” I said without looking up and I heard her sigh.

“It’s that kind of need.” I heard her take off her heels and she sat next to me and picked up the spoon from the table, “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong now or do you want to just take the ice cream in silence.”

“I saw Joseph,” I don’t know why that was what I started with but for some reason, it felt right.

“I know that must have sucked. I’m so sorry. Do you want me to go beat his ass?”

“This isn’t about Joseph.” I finally looked up at her and I saw the confusion swirling beneath her eyelids.

I knew I probably looked crazy but I’m not used to these kinds of things and I was having a hard time coming to terms with my own thoughts much less putting them out in words for another person.

“If this isn’t about Joseph then what is it about?”

I paused with my spoon close to my mouth wondering how much realer it would be once I said it out loud and whether or not I wanted to make that choice. Olivia had started to look worried and I let out a heavy sigh.