“I never meant to hurt you with any of that. I just wanted to put the past behind me.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I whirled on him, “We were engaged and you cheated on me Joseph. She’s six months pregnant and I’m sure it wasn’t a one time thing that got her knocked up. You didn’t even have the decency to tell me.”
“I didn’t plan to cheat; she just-,”
I cut him off, “Of course you wouldn’t take responsibility. Are you going to throw her under the bus now?”
He let out a groan as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “This is my problem with you, you never listen. I love her and I won’t apologize for that.”
“I’m not asking you to do that. Although it would have been nice if you apologized for being a cheating asshole and lying to the entire world about it.”
“You could handle the backlash. They don’t know her like they know you. They’re vultures and they would have torn her apart. I saw what they were saying about you and I knew she would never be able to handle that.”
“You ruined my life, Joseph!” At this point I didn’t care who heard us or if our voices were carried by the wind. I was pissed off. “I was egged and flour bombed and called a home wrecked for days because of you. I could have lost everything because of your actions. Do you realize that?”
“Well maybe if you lost something you would have cared.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Your work has always been the most important thing to you.”
I didn’t know where he was going with that statement and I wasn’t sure I liked it, “That’s not true and you know that. My work is important but it has never been the most important thing. Even ifit was, you of all people should understand that. You were just like that too.”
“Don’t be like that; do you know what it was like being engaged to you? Your work came first all the time and I felt like I wasn’t important.”
“So now you’re saying that it is my fault you cheated and that your main reason for doing so was so that you could feel important.”
“I didn’t cheat on you Adira; we were over long before she even came into the picture.”
“You proposed to me the day before she came into the picture. I didn’t realize that a proposal meant the relationship was over. And why the hell are we talking about her? This isn’t about her, it is about you and me.”
“There is no you and me. There never was, it was a mistake.”
I flinched as the physical impact of his words hit me like a blow. I forced the rising emotions in me to still, “This is the part where you apologize.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
“Four years and you’re going to wrap it up as a mistake.”
“That’s what it was, Adira; it never should have happened. It was destined to end; I just hate how it ended.”
“You know I could have called you out as a liar.” I told him, “When you made that statement, I had the receipts to prove it too.”
“I knew you wouldn’t because it would have hurt her and as angry as you are, you would never put an innocent woman through what you went through.”
For the first time I saw Joseph as he was; a sad, hopeless man. I would never have survived being married to him. I would have been miserable and so would he. For better or for worse, I’m glad he cheated because I never would have left him otherwise.
I wondered if he would disregard her the way he did me. I almost asked but then I remembered what he said earlier. He loves her, and when he said it, I knew he wasn’t lying.
“I hold nothing against you Joseph,” I said finally, “But you are a massive cunt and I hope that child of yours take after their mother. Heaven knows the world needs less people like you.”
“That’s a low blow and you know it.”
“Get out,” He opened his mouth to speak, “Get the fuck out before I ram my knee into your balls and permanently destroy your ability to procreate.”
He stared at me for a beat before finally walking away. I waited until I couldn’t hear his footsteps before I let my façade fall. All my strength left me in an instant and I buried my head into my thighs.
I took my phone out of my pocket and my finger hovered over Olivia’s name. I knew if I called she would drop whatever she was doing to listen to me but the last thing I wanted to do was burden her with my problems so I put the phone down and focused on getting my act together.
