“No,” I lied, “I stood up to him because he was being a dick period.” I brushed my hands against my thighs, “Can we just drop it? I don’t want to think about it.”
“I’m just saying; it’s not a big deal if you defended the girl.”
“I didn’t defend the girl; he was being a dick to me as well and I defended my brand. Can you drop it now?”
“Listen, it is okay to admit that you were looking out for someone other than yourself. It won’t hurt if people saw you as something other than the stone cold bitch they think you are.”
“Fuck you Nathan Cowe. You are not some special profiler or some behavioral analyst. You don’t know shit about me. I wasn’t defending her, I was defending myself. Why would I lie about that?”
This was escalating quicker than it should be, I was already riled up and there was no way I was going to be the bigger person and stop it when I had told him twice already to drop it and he refused.
“What do you think will happen if people knew that you cared? What are you so fucking afraid of that you’re willing to be seen as the devil incarnate when you’re anything but?”
“That’s a backhanded compliment if I have ever heard one.”
“Stop changing the subject Adira,” now he sounded frustrated himself, “What are you so afraid of?”
“I don’t want people to hurt them.” my hands flew over my mouth when I realized what I had said and the gravity of my words.
The room went deathly quiet for a second before Nathan broke it, “What did you say?”
“I don’t want people to hurt them.” There was no taking it back now, “if people knew how much I cared, they would stop attacking me and attack the people and things I care about. I don’t give a shit what anyone does to me so yeah, I’m willing to be seen as the devil incarnate if it means protecting the people I care about.”
I was breathing heavily by the time I was done and I buried my face into my hands.
“You don’t always have to be the villain,” I didn’t realize Nathan had moved close to me until he spoke.
“Oh please,” I scoffed, “It’s too late to be anything but and the truth is, I kind of like being the villain sometimes.”
“Funny,” he said and I looked up at him in confusion finally noticing our closeness and how if I moved a little, our noses would be touching.
“What is?”
“I kind of like you as the villain too.”
I was still trying to process his words when he leaned forward and kissed me. I was too shocked to react but I didn’t need to, because Nathan pulled back.
“I’m sorry, I should-,” I didn’t want to hear whatever bullshit excuse he was going to make up so I cut him off.
“It was a mistake, I get it,” I watched his entire body freeze but I didn’t want to dissect that, “We should go to sleep; we have a long day tomorrow.”
“I can take the floor,” his voice was cold and detached and a part of me wanted to ask why but another part knew ignorance would be bliss.
“We’re both adults; I’m sure we can handle sharing a bed for one night.” I cleared my throat before making my way to one edge of the bed, “Goodnight,”
“Yeah, goodnight.”
CHAPTER 19: DAY 1 IN HELL
I woke up a little disoriented and it took a few seconds for me to remember where I was and what had happened the night before. By the time I was fully awake, I realized that Nathan was asleep.
Part of that was due to his soft breathing but the other part was due to the fact that I knew that there was no way Nathan would have been holding me the way he was except he was asleep.
When we fell asleep we were on opposite sides of the beds with our backs facing each other and now I was half lying on him and our legs were tangled together. My face was pressed against his neck and one of my hands was on his shoulder while the other was tucked between us. One of his hands had found its way under my tank was spread flat on my lower back while the other was settled at the spot between the back of my neck and my shoulders.
I could feel every breath he took and every rise and fall of his chest and I was very much aware that I was breathing on him. I tried to focus on anything except the way we were pressed together but it proved impossible. Every single part of him was pressed up against me and my body was reacting to that.
I wonder who had breached the other person’s space first but that was impossible to note considering that we were sprawled in the middle of the bed.
