“Have you read some of the comments that people have left on the announcement?”
“No,” I answered honestly, “And I plan to keep it that way for a while.”
“Some people say that you only got the judge position because you’re a woman of color.” I was taken aback by his words, “They say that you’re too inexperienced for the position. What do you think about that?”
I turned to him and barely held back the venom in my voice, “I got this position IN SPITE of being a woman of color. I know I’m the only black person on that judge list and that alone is a feat worthy of applause.”
I thought he would drop the issue but he continued, “A lot of people believe that the recent advocacy for representation in the media helped you get to where you are. It’s empowering women of color despite them not being qualified for their roles.”
I let out a heavy breath through my nose, “And what do you think?”
“It doesn’t matter what I think; I’m just here to ask the questions.”
“Well then, allow me to educate you.” I intertwined my fingers to keep them from shaking, “Everyone can post about representation on social media and attend rallies but bringing awareness doesn’t automatically take away everything we go through.”
“I still walk into stores and have women grip their purses at the sight of me, I have parents steer their children away from me. At a fashion event I have to work twice as hard as every other person there just to be recognized and taken seriously.”
“You and all those people have no idea what I have gone through to get here. The horrible people I have encountered and the horrid names that I have been called. You have no idea the opportunities I have had taken away from me because of my skin color.”
“You have no right to discredit my success and anyone who thinks I didn’t earn my position can take a perfectly pink dildo and shove it up their ass.”
I was breathing heavily at the end of my speech and he stared at me for a full minute before speaking.
“I’ll scrap that out of the final interview.” He said finally.
I huffed and got to my feet. I should have known there was no use talking to him; they never listen. People will always hear what they want to, they will always think what they want and there is no changing it.
“Adira,” my steps haltered when he called my name.
“What do you want?”
“For what it’s worth; I don’t agree with the questions, and I think sometimes they are very invasive and rude but it’s my job and I just do what I’m told to.”
“Whatever.”
“I think that’s enough for today.”
I ignored him and went back to my desk. So much for my happy little bubble and living in denial, reality always comes crashing down and ruining it.
A part of me knows that my anger isn’t directed at Nathan; he is just doing his job and telling me what others have said. Nothing in his behavior has ever pointed to him being racist but I am too stubborn and prideful to apologize.
“I’m surprised you’re going with Marissa.” He said after a beat of silence but I remained quiet, “She doesn’t seem like someone who would do well in a crowd.”
“She’s not a fan of crowds but she has told me that she would love to attend an event one day.”
“I’m surprised you’re not taking your boyfriend.” That statement had me looking up at him with a cocked brow, “I overheard you on the phone with him a few days back; you were saying you loved him.”
I was getting more confused as the seconds ticked by and I scrunched my brows while I tried my best to remember what incident he was talking about. He must have seen the confusion on my face because he sighed and explained.
“It was the day Joseph released his statement.” He explained and my mouth formed a wide o, “He called you and I was there.”
“That wasn’t my boyfriend,” I couldn’t keep the humor out of my tone, “That was Olivia; although she would be amused to know that you thought we were together.”
He was shocked by my words that much was obvious and his expression was the same one from before, surprise and a little relief. This time, I didn’t let the opportunity pass, I spoke up immediately.
“You look a little too relieved by that fact,” I teased, but he didn’t rise to the bait. I don’t know why I expected him to, he almost never does.
“I’m surprised, not relieved,” he stated in a smooth tone, “You really need to work on your understanding of facial expressions. Next time, you might say I’m sad when I’m really constipated.”
