“Yeah, I’m going.I’ll help you clean up, and maybe have another glass of wine, then I’ll leave,” I say, making it a joke that I’m going to draw it out a little longer.
And here we are a few hours later with the sky now dark, and both Dylan and Tessa yawning on the couch.I’ve cleaned the kitchen, put away all the dishes, cleaned the bathroom and changed the sheets on the bed I slept in.This is comical given there are still boxes at my own house that need unpacking and I rarely put anything back when I take it out.Case in point, the dildo Olivia found in my bathroom.
I look down at my watch, catching the time, and knowing that Dylan has to be up early tomorrow and I’m sure Tessa will head over to Somerville’s with him.I’ve overstayed my welcome.
“Thank you for letting me stay,” I say, both of them looking up at me from where they are curled up on the couch.
“No problem,” Dylan replies.
“Of course.And thank you for making me a dinner that finally didn’t give me heartburn,” Tessa adds.
They both stand up to hug me goodbye and I know I can’t drag this out any longer.I thank them again and this time, I make my way out the door and down to my car.
When I start the car, my eyes catch the clock once again.It’s after ten, and I know Leo will be wrapping up at Apple Jacks and heading home soon too.I let it all play out in my head, trying to figure out how I can get to my house without Leo seeing my car and coming over to confront me for being a coward.That’s really what this has come down to.I’m afraid to face the reality of what could happen.There are too many what-ifs.
I start the car, driving toward Somerville’s but taking the long way and driving like an old lady on her way to church on Sunday.Thirty-five minutes to get from Dylan’s house to my house must be some kind of record.But the good news is, that it pushed me to almost eleven o’clock and I’m certain Leo is home and hopefully in bed sleeping.
I pull into the small driveway outside of my house, pulling up farther than normal in the hopes that my car is hidden by the house.I’m not sure how long I think I can avoid him since I do have to work tomorrow.We’re going to see each other eventually.I guess it would just be nice to do it away from the prying eyes of the staff.If I would have come home earlier, I could have done that.I’m a fucking mess.
I sit in the car a few minutes longer, trying to figure out how to even start this conversation with Leo.I don’t want to come across like I’m defending myself, but I also don’t want to cave and take responsibility for everything that has happened.His father was horrible to me, and I won’t admit fault when it comes to his treatment of me.
I finally exit the car, walking up to my house, hoping like hell I can sleep tonight.It’s going to be a rough go, my brain is a fucked up mess of conversations that need to be had and worry.Right now, I could use a massive glass of wine and a Xanax.
I open the front door, the house is dark, but it smells like Leo, and I have to choke back the tears I feel sting my nose.There’s this cinnamon and bourbon combo that will always be Leo’s scent, all those hours spent in the kitchen.
I reach over and turn on the lamp that sits on a small table near the front door and when I do, I find Leo asleep on the couch in my living room.
He stirs a little, his arm covering his face when the light fills the room and again, I’m swallowing back the tears.
What is he doing here?
Seeing him at my house, his face tortured even in his sleep, and I know it’s because of me.Because of all the hiding I’ve done, and the guilt eats at me.He deserves an explanation.He deserves an apology.
“Leo,” I whisper, squatting down in front of him as I run my hand over his hair, my hand coming to rest on his cheek.
“Hannah?”he says, almost like he’s questioning if it’s real, wondering if it’s really me standing here in front of him.
When my name falls from his lips, so do the tears.I can’t hold back anymore.I’ve missed him so much and it’s only been one day.I can’t even begin to imagine what a lifetime without him would be like.Whatever I have to do to make this right, I will do it.
Chapter Thirty
Leo
The relief I feel at seeing Hannah, at having her back with me, is almost overwhelming as I sit up and pull her into my lap.She’s bawling now, the tears streaming down her cheeks as she sobs in my arms, her reaction breaking my heart.
I fucking hate that this is happening to us right now.
“Han, babe,” I say softly, my arms wrapping tight around her as I pull her close and she buries her face in my neck.“Shhh, it’s going to be okay, I promise.”
She shakes her head, still not saying anything as she continues to cry.I have no idea what to say, what words I can possibly say to make her feel better in this moment.So I do the only thing I can, I sit back on the couch and hold her as she cries in my arms.
Eventually she pulls back, sniffling as I brush my thumbs across her cheeks, wiping away the last of her tears before leaning in to press a soft kiss to her lips.
“You okay?”I ask, knowing it’s a ridiculous question.
Hannah shakes her head, finally lifting her eyes to mine and nearly breaking my heart all over again with the anguish that fills them.“I’m sorry,” she whispers, biting her bottom lip.“So sorry.”
I crush her to me again, her head tucked under my chin.“You don’t have to apologize, Hannah, I get it.I really do.”
