Mal didn’t remember the last time it had been this bad. He didn’t get like this anymore. He was always in control, always with an edge to him that would cut anyone who tried to bring him low. But he trusted Danny. Felt safe in his home like he did in few other places. And occasionally, too often with both Danny and the comfort of his home, he let his guard down, and that had its hazards. It opened him up to too many old feelings of being trapped by a man who should have been the person he turned to when he was scared.
A battle was one thing, but nobody hurt Mal like this anymore. Nobody had power over him. Nobody—
“Mal…?” Danny’s voice was close beside him on the floor. Mal glanced aside and saw the black of Danny’s leg, the suit made visible again. “I thought you’d like it, like before. Are you…are you shaking?” A black-gloved hand came into view and Mal flinched.
“Don’t. I’m fine.”
“Mal, you’re not—”
“You were holding medown,” Mal spat, still hunched over, staring through his arms at his jeans trapped around his thighs. He wanted to pull them up but he couldn’t move. His voice shook when he spoke. “You c-can’t…do that.”Fuck.
Danny’s voice came softer. “Okay.”
“I couldn’tsee you.”
“Okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…I wasn’t trying to—”
“I know, Danny.” Mal did. Of course he did. That wasn’t like Danny. He wasn’t harsh and brutal. Dark and angry sometimes, alluringly rough in all the right ways, but he hadn’t meant to scare Mal.
Now Danny knew Malcouldbe scared. Knew he was broken too, when no one outside of Lucy and Dom was ever supposed to know that the right combination of events or words ortouchcould spiral Mal right back to being twelve years old. Even with his father long dead.
Focusing on slowing his breathing, Mal kept his eyes open but stared at the pattern of his jeans. The varying shades of blue stripes in his underwear. The hairs on his legs.Breathe.Just breathe.Stop shaking.
Slowly, the ice started to recede down his arms. When it was just his hands that remained coated, he sat back, weight on his hip, and willed the frost to dissipate completely. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t save his bed. It misted behind him, completely covered. Danny was lucky he hadn’t suffered the same fate.
Shoulders sagging, easing out of their tension, Mal looked forward at his bathroom door. He was fine, he was fine,he wasfine.
Several minutes passed before Danny’s tentative voice called out, “Should I go?”
If it had been anyone else, Mal would have thrown them out by now, turned his panic into rage and directed it at them. But when he saw Danny shift on his feet out of the corner of his eye, he knew that the last thing he wanted was to be alone.
Mal peered up at Danny standing there uncertain and small. The black mask was in his hands, cowl hair sticking up every which direction, mouth turned into a frown as he stared at the floor and then started to head for the stairs.
“No.” Mal grasped his wrist. “Come here. Let me get that suit off you. Then you can make this up to me.”
The mask was in the hand Mal had caught, and it fell from Danny’s fingers as he turned back to him. Their eyes met. Mal was thankful his own were dry, but Danny’s looked watery and racked with guilt for more than what had happened tonight.
This wasDanny. Mal had nothing to be afraid of, but he still feared something at the edge of whatever this was between them. He didn’t fear Danny the way he sometimes feared his past, the way he’d feared his father’s fists and ice cutting into his skin; he feared wanting something he didn’t deserve. Why did Danny insist on showing him something beautiful that could never be his, something that for once, he couldn’t steal?
But maybe he could borrow it. Maybe he could hold this—hold Danny—for just a little longer and pretend.
“Come here,” Mal said again and tugged Danny down. Sitting back, he opened his legs to encourage Danny to climb on. Even in the black suit, seeing Danny fully didn’t rekindle any of that panic. Mal needed control to feel safe and sane again, but he had it. He had it even beneath Danny’s weight straddling his hips and settling onto his lap on the floor.
Unzipping the suit from neck to navel, Mal pushed the edge of fabric from Danny’s left shoulder and felt that warm, smooth skin. Danny shivered in his grasp.
They reached for each other, and the kiss was desperate, for different reasons for both of them. Mal didn’t knowDanny’sreasons, but he could feel the gnawing hunger in the way Danny clung to him with strong fingers curled in his shirt.
They hungered for each other when they were most damaged. That was new to Mal, something he’d never experienced with anyone else. When he was damaged, he wanted no one around to see it. But now, he wanted Danny to remain right where he was, and he knew that against all odds, Danny sought out him instead of his friends.
Something must have happened again. Something always happened to send Danny running here. Without a catalyst, would Danny still want him? Mal doubted it. He doubted anyone could want him without getting something in return. Butquidpro quo—that’s how the world worked. That’s how Mal’s world always worked. And that was okay if he got to have Danny.
Mal pushed the suit from Danny’s other shoulder, trapping his arms until he fought to pull them free from the sleeves and returned to wrap bare limbs around Mal’s neck. His chest and back were burning hot from the suit. It felt invigorating against Mal’s skin, still chilled from releasing his ice. He needed a sense of control back, and he had it here with Danny’s raw power under his palms.
Spinning them, Mal sent Danny tumbling to the floor and shifted until they were laid out with Danny spread beneath him, bare-chested with the suit on only from the waist down. Mal wedged a knee between Danny’s legs to wriggle closer, but for all the want and wildness in Danny’s eyes, there was a deep sorrow Mal found there that stung him.
He paused. He didn’t want to command Danny. Not anymore than he wanted to be commanded. Danny could have overpowered him. He wasn’t harsh and brutal, no, but he could be. He could be a nightmare so easily. But there he lay, just wanting to be touched and adored and lo…
Mal was getting lost in Danny, dangerously lost, caught in the labyrinth, no way out. And that should have bothered him. It should have terrified him.
