He held himself back? I remembered the growls, the lengthening teeth. “How do you do it?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “What we feel is so intense—how do you hold back?”
“It isn’t easy,” he admitted. “But with practice, you know when to give, and when to take. If you throttle it all the time, and never let the beast free—it will break free on its own, and you will have no control over it. The only way to guide it is with experience. And believe me, there is a lot of error in the trial.”
I swallowed. The determination in his voice... “Have you ever—did you ever hurt someone? By accident?”
I wasn’t sure he was going to answer—the silence lingered for so long. “Yes,” he finally admitted.
“A woman?”
“No!” He sounded as though he spoke through gritted teeth. “We went to school with humans. We’re usually pulled out and homeschooled during puberty because the beast becomes so unstable during that time. But I’d always been an easygoing dude, and my dad—well, things weren’t going well at home. My brah thought it best I stay at school.”
Another pause. “As it turned out, it wasn’t the best call. There was a girl—anyway, I found her ex forcing himself on her behind the school. I lost it and partially wolfed out, tore him up real good. The girl ran off, she didn’t see me do it.”
I bit my lip. “Did he live?”
A heavy sigh. “No. He’d lost too much blood. I called the paramedics, but it was too late. The local Sabres stepped in and declared it an animal attack—blamed it on a pack of dingoes, of all things. People bought it, though. And my brah brought me home the next day. Although that didn’t turn out all that well either.”
When he trailed off, I was quick to defend him. “It wasn’t your fault. You were only trying to help her.”
“Itwasmy fault. I’ve spent a lot of time coming to terms with that. But my point is—we all have to learn how to deal with our monsters. I really buggered myself up, tried suppressing it. It busted loose, and I beat up another guy—a Dire this time, and he lived. But I learned you can’t suppress the beast. If you try, it will go bonkers.”
My heart twisted. “How can I turn this loose when it is so lethal?”
He paused, as if considering his words with care. “Everything in life, Angel, is about give and take. Sometimes you take, sometimes you give. Taking is easy. It’s the giving that takes practice. You’ll learn how to do it. I know you will.” The door creaked, as though he leaned on it as he stood. “Can you unlock the door now?”
I reached across and flicked the latch. The door swung open.
Matt looked like hell. His hazel eyes stared out from dark circles, and the skin of his face hugged the bones. But he smiled that beautiful lopsided smile and held his hand out to me.
“Come to bed, Angel. I promise I won’t bite. And I could use a nap until that damned Satyr comes back.”
My eyes filled with tears, but I put my gloved hand in his and went with him.
* * *
Xumi’s fortress was more of a sprawling, fortified estate.
As Jacques had said, it was on the outskirts of Mierva. It was fully enclosed with a stacked-stone wall ten feet in height, fortified by outward-facing spikes all along the top and a walkway just beyond it, patrolled by guards.
Matt and I lay on a rooftop overlooking the estate, although it wasn’t a great view—it was partially blocked by other buildings.
When I commented on that, Jacques said, “Oui.Any closer and the guards she has posted might interfere with your viewingplaisir.”
He leaned against a chimney a short distance from us. The Satyr had been quite snarky since returning and finding Matt and me lying on his bed amid the ornate cushions. We hadn’t been touching, and I’d donned my cloak to hide my torn tee shirt, but he sniffed the air like a dog, and then glared daggers at Matt.
With his stance stiff as a board, he’d announced that Xumi was indeed ensconced in her estate, and that there was no sign of either Cara or Sebastian.
I’d had to pull more of my alpha power to get him to escort us here. As a result, his mood had only gotten worse.
Matt stared intently at the palatial building. It was surrounded by forest, but from where we sat, the house was mostly visible, along with the road sweeping up to it.
According to Haki, Xumi had custom built this fortress. And because of that, her so-called dungeon wasn’t underground. It was, true Dragon-style, on the topmost floor.
The building itself was built for her kind, with large ledges outside airy openings at regular intervals. Even from here, I could see the guards posted at each one.
I swallowed my nerves. Getting to the building was the first hurdle. Only the fact Haki had managed it on foot, and not via wings, gave me any confidence that we could do this.
Not that it would be easy. But worth it if we could get to Talakai. I hated to admit that a part of me had hoped Sebastian and Cara would make it here. That we wouldn’t have to do this alone.
