He craved that balance with an intensity that shocked him.
“What now?” he asked, and winced when his voice broke.
Cara’s eyes met his, filled with regret. “Until we can determine how to structure and guide your power, we have decided to confine you to your animal form.”
Surprised, his gaze flicked to the watching Bellatis. They hardly appeared harmless. “Do I have an animal form? I’ve never been anything but this.”
“Oh, yes. Like many shapeshifters, the Liberis have two forms, human and animal. Here, on Elandriel, we can take either form at will. The most powerful of us can embrace our animal form in other realms. You have only recently come into your power, and had no one to show you how to change.” Cara gestured to the Bellatis. “Both forms can absorb and manipulate life energy. The animal lives in balance with nature, and as such, serves that balance. It is the human side that can become misguided.”
Nikolai worked through it. “The animal side doesn’t do that?”
She shook her head. “Not in its pure state. But we do not ordinarily exist like that—what you see and sense in the Bellatis before you is the human within. The two halves feed into the whole. What we intend with you is to render the human influence comatose, temporarily, and let you live free as the animal.”
Nikolai’s heart hammered. This didn’t sound good. “Won’t I cease to exist?”
“No, Nikolai. It will only lock you away from the human’s ability to tap into the power. It may also dampen your emotions, reduce the fear and anger, and enable you to live in harmony with nature.” She tilted her head to look up at him. “I have agreed to this only because you need to experience how life and death move in a great cycle. We all must march to its rhythm, or face ultimate destruction.”
“I already know of that balance,” he protested. “I saw it all around me, sensed it as I grew up.”
“You saw it and sensed it, yes. But you hadn’t yet come into your power. And the human realm no longer exists in balance, so you could not learn from it. Now, you need to be immersed in it to understand how your power upsets it.”
“I know I’m a monster.” The words came out as barely a whisper.
“No.” Cara took a deep breath. “You are not a monster, Nikolai. Only raw and untrained. And you grew up separated from your home. From the power that would have grounded you. Now, you need to find it. And once you do, I will return.”
“You will train me?” He glanced toward the other Watchers.
“I have appealed to the Elders to do so.”
“But you don’t know for certain.”
Her blue eyes flashed at him. “No. I do not.”
Nikolai took a deep breath. “What of Aria?”
He didn’t know why he asked, really. He had no right to Aria, not with what he’d done. But Cara nodded. “Do not worry. I will keep an eye on her.”
“She should forget about me.” Bravely said, but his heart ached like it was tearing in two.
Cara eyed him. “Fate will dictate what happens with Aria. But time in this realm works differently from others. A year here is only a few months in the human realm. You have time to explore who and what you are.”
Nikolai closed his eyes. “She is afraid of me.”
“She should be.” The practical tone had his eyes popping open again to stare at her. Cara shrugged. “You are scary, right now. But I believe you can overcome it, Nikolai. Become who you are meant to be.”
You will. I will see to it.
The voice rang through his mind, but Cara didn’t even flinch. Maybe it was a sign of how fragmented his brain had become—and there really wasn’t another talking to him.
Do not worry about this. Follow the women. They are of no consequence, ultimately. You are home. This is where I need you to be. You will meet your destiny here.
If the voice was a fragment of his imagination, then his inner self had delusions of grandeur.
“Are you ready?” Cara’s steady gaze measured him.
Adrenaline surged through Nikolai, urging him to run far and fast. But how far would he get with those Bellatis standing over him? And despite the jagged energy spiking off him, and the tension in those that watched, Cara remained calm. Waiting for his answer, as though his acquiesce mattered.
It does. They cannot force you to do this. But it is all part of the greater whole. Do not let it concern you.
