Page 76 of Acceptance
“I kept it a secret for a while because I’m kind of embarrassed about it, if I’m honest. I mean, everyone thinks I can movemountains and all that shit. Admitting I’m not strong enough to handle myself feels kind of like a failure, you know?”
“It’s not a failure. And it shows just how strong you really are,” Colt says.
Shep takes her hand. “What made you realize you needed to see someone?”
The look in his eyes is one of pain and guilt. Losing his daughter, Julia, still weighs on him, and Lex knows it. Psycho’s family’s club raped and murdered her on the side of the road, and Shep has never quite forgiven himself for not being there to save her.
“I recognized the pattern of feeling like I’m always taking one step forward to fall backwards at least two. It affected me more than I realized, and Colt and my kids don’t deserve a broken version of me.”
“Because of me,” VP says.
A month or two ago, his reaction of frustrated disbelief would have sent her spiraling, but she recognizes the growth within herself. “It’s not about blame—”
“You just blamed your terrible life decisions on me!”
“Hey!” Diesel shouts. “Watch it, Nash.”
“It’s okay, D. The piece I’m working on now is finding a way to move forward without the closure I want. I can’t make anyone see how their actions affect me if they don’t want to, and I need to learn to forgive without an apology.”
VP laughs. “You feel you deserve an apology. From me?”
“You don’t?” TK asks. “No wonder you’re completely alone and raising your granddaughter. Not even the son you babied his entire life wants to be around you. Speaking of, how’s that asshole doing?”
“I did the best I fucking could!” VP shouts at Colt’s father. “I can’t be everything for everyone all the fucking time.”
“You let guilt drive everything you did when it came to your kids, and we all know it,” Jennings says. “Even you do, though I doubt you’ll ever cop to it.”
The way VP looks around frantically, only his eyeballs moving back and forth, means he feels cornered. And it’s all too familiar to Lex. Him lashing out at others to deflect, which really only hurts him more than helps him. Especially here with more people against him than with him.
“Oh, and all of you are such good parents? Diesel, your daughter ended up a cokehead for twenty years and could’ve died in a ditch without you knowing because you threw her ass out,” VP growls.
Here we go. Please, VP, just stop. Walk away and lick your wounds.
“Fuck you,” Diesel shouts.
“Leave my wife out of this,” Grayson agrees. “It’s shit like this that makes it difficult for people who have successfully beaten their demons to feel like they are successful in life.”
He just snorts and looks at Jennings. “And your son was the town whore.”
“Oh, good insult,” Tripp sneers, his hand on his chest like he’s being stabbed. “But then love saved me, and I have a beautiful family with a wife I adore. Yeah, you really got me there, Nash.”
“Okay, how about you, Shep? Your daughter was—”
“Don’t you dare finish that statement,” Lex jumps in. “Deflecting your poor choices by bringing others down to your level only proves what I’ve been saying. You have a complete lack of accountability and self-awareness. What happened to Julia was not Shep’s fault, and you don’t get to pull that tragedy into this scenario.”
Shep’s hands shake at his sides as he stands behind Lex, and she knows she’s a barrier to keep him from pummeling her father. Not that she’d be all that upset if he pushed her aside andmade good on what she knows he imagines doing in his mind right now.
“You don’t—”
“I don’t give a fuck, VP,” Lex says. “Say whatever you want about me and to me, but I will be damned if I let you bring Shep’s daughter into this. Or anyone’s child, for that matter.”
“That’s—”
“No, just… no. I’ve accepted that you’re not the man I thought you were. You could be that man, but you refuse. I have to admit I was wrong about you. But don’t you dare go dragging others into this because you need validation that you weren’tthat badin comparison. It won’t work, anyway.”
Colt walks up and takes her hand. “You’re a hell of a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, babe.”
She shakes her head and lets out a long breath. “I’ve done the best I can, but I know I’m capable of being better. To do that, I have to do what VP has never done. I have to accept my shortcomings. Which is, like, really fucking difficult. I mean, look at my DNA.”
