Ruby hesitated, her throat tightening.
Jonah noticed her reluctance and added, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready. But I understand, as much as a human could. My sister was burned when Edward turned her boyfriend.”
That was news to her. Back when they had been friends, if you could call it that, he had told her all about his family, but never mentioned losing his sister. Pity curled through her.
“The love of my life. Andy,” Ruby confessed, her throat thick with unshed tears. She hadn’t cried since she was turned, and she wasn’t going to start now. “It’s been a while, and my therapist says it’s normal, but... I still see it every time I close my eyes. It’s paralyzing. I replay every moment in my head, wondering what I could have done differently, if I could have prevented it, if I caused it. And the thoughts keep swirling, over and over. Every time I think I’m getting better, it buries me again, and I feel so damn weak. Isn’t that crazy? I can lift a car but sometimes can’t even get myself out of bed.”
Jonah’s expression grew serious. “Anxiety doesn’t give a shit about how badass or strong you are. It’s a part of you, but it’s not all of you.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. “And grief doesn’t have an expiration date. Fortunately, you’ll have an eternity to work through both.”
Ruby let out a sad, bitter laugh that made Jonah flinch.
“I think it might actually be the worst part. The bit that makes me feel more inhuman than the rest.” She sighed.“When you’re five, a year is a huge chunk of your life. It feels like forever. When you’re twenty, it’s a small percentage of what you’ve known. Time flies by, not because it’s moving faster, but because it’s a smaller fraction of what’s to come. It makes the bad things more bearable, knowing they’re temporary. And yet, people still live it, cherishing and clinging to the minutes and seconds, both bad and good, because it’s important. Because it’s limited. Because you’ll never know when it’ll be up.”
Ruby didn’t feel that urgency, not anymore. The banality of life had shifted into something less than meaningless.
“Living through the moments, enjoying the small things, is what makes us human. For me, time stretches forever. The bad is unending and the good feels fleeting. I feel like I’m stuck in an endless cycle, with everything I cherish fading away while I remain. I’m a robot, unchanging with time. I want to feel like a person again.”
Jonah considered her words carefully. “Maybe,” he said finally, “maybe I can help with that.”
Ruby raised an eyebrow. “Help with what, exactly?”
“Help you feel human again.”
Ruby stayed silent. Jonah mistook her silence for displeasure and chuckled awkwardly. “Sorry. Just realized how that might have sounded. Like I—”
“How?”
“Huh?”
The cold from the concrete seeped through her jeans, leaving her legs numb. “How would you help me feel human?”
“Spend a day with me.”
“A day?”
“Yeah, just a day.” His thumb brushed circles into her shoulder. “A day off doing nice, normal human shit.”
“Such as?”
“Well, I need a car wash.”
She balked. “You want me to spend a day with you, washing your truck?”
“Among other things.” Jonah grinned and stood, brushing invisible dirt off his jeans. He extended his hand. “So, you in?”
Ruby studied him, the promise in his words sending a flutter of life through her. She took his hand, feeling the roughness of his palm against hers. “Fuck it, why not?”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
AFTER KAVYA CHECKEDthey had enough hospital footage, it was decided the humans were too tired to make the drive back to Denver. Ruby offered to drive. She was quickly shot down. And all because she had once joked that driving over overpasses reminded her of Mario Kart. Her knowledge of modern video games was not as appreciated as it should’ve been.
They pulled into a hotel entrance and sat in silence for a few moments.
“Okay, I’m just going to say it.” Kavya broke the quiet. “What the hell are we doing here?”
Ruby’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “The hotel? I thought we discussed this already—showers and sleep before leaving tomorrow morning?”
“We did, but… this isn’t just a hotel.”
