Liar. The longing, the disappointment, are too much. My body still screams for his. My brain shuts down in anger. “What? You were hoping for an accomplished slut? I won’t be good enough for you, is that it?” It comes out on its own, venomous and raw. Intended to injure and it does. He winces from the blow, but so what? He’s crushing me.
“No, of course not.”
I know I’m being irrational, unfair, but I can’t stop the flames once they start. “I get it. You were ready to use the damaged girl and now?”
“Rebecca…”
“You know what? You’re the one making this impossible, not me! One minute you tell me to forget about you. The next you’re seducing me in a closet? What do you want from me?”
He shakes his head “I’m sorry, you’re right. I messed up.”
He moves toward the door, and I yank him around. “No! You don’t get it. I’m not trying to win an argument. I want tounderstand for once. You know I’m a virgin, so you also know I want you to be my first.”
His gaze meets mine again, only reigniting the flames. He wants me. I see it in every movement, every glance. He wants this as much as I do, and something snaps inside me. It’s my offensive this time, my needs that matter for once. And I need him. I want every dark, beautiful thing he is and I want it completely. He groans as I shove him against the door and experiment with his body until I’ve exposed every ounce of his weakness for me. The sparks became explosions as I take and give, satisfying and enflaming deep cravings. Maybe I’m not playing fair, but he’s just as guilty.
“Wait! Rebecca, stop.” He ducks away, stepping back and holding up his hand as if to keep me from advancing.
“What? Why are you fighting this? I know you want me!”
He clenches his eyes shut, leaning his hands on his thighs as he tries to catch his breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done this. If you knew… it’s just…”
“Knew what? I’m not good enough? Not experienced enough? What?”
It’s so much worse when those soulful irises lift to me, beg me to understand. “I should go. I’m sorry for this.”
“No way. Not until you explain what I did wrong.”
“God, Rebecca. Nothing. You’re perfect.” He shakes his head, clearly in distress. “It’s not you.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“No, it’s not even that.”
“You don’t want me?”
He blinks back in disbelief. “Obviously, I do. You felt how much I do. Pretty aggressively.” The slightest of smiles flickers over his lips, and I return it.
“You didn’t like it?”
“I loved it.”
“So what is it, then? You know I want you. You want me. We’re both adults, so what’s the problem?”
He pulls in a breath, eyes closing briefly. “I know, but you deserve better than this. This isn’t what I wanted for us. I just... lost control. Do you have any idea what it did to me to make you forget about me? You were the only person who cared about me, who knew anything about me and the truth.”
His eyes search mine, and I can’t breathe.
“It must have been hard.”
“No.” He clasps his hands on his head. “Not hard. I had to make you hate me. I had to destroy the first thing I cared about in years. It was torture. Worse than anything they’ve done to me in that room.”
I swallow. “And when you saw I came back to you, you snapped.”
He nods, clearly distressed. “You were all I could think about in group today, and you... God, your fantasies… I knew this was all you were thinking. I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“But don’t you see? I want you too! I’m willing to take the risk.”
He steps back as if afraid of me. “I’m not. And I’m certainly not going to take your virginity in a storage closet between classes.”
