I grasp his fingers and lean my head on the mattress.
How much of this is my fault? How much could I have stopped? Prevented? My brain catalogs detail after detail of evidence I don’t want to see anymore. I close my eyes and breathe in the darkness until it clears my head.
At some point, I must drift off because I’m startled awake by shadows transforming into murky visions. I snap to attention and touch his face. “Daniel?”
He stirs, but all I get is a blank stare when he finally opens his eyes.
“Daniel, it’s Rebecca.”
He looks right past me. No, he’s not looking, he’s... Is it the drugs or something more insidious that’s keeping him from me? His eyelids flutter, and I realize I’m losing him again.
“No, wake up!” I tap his cheek. “Wake up!”
I get another flash but can’t interpret the cloudy scene. His breathing intensifies and his face contorts into a grimace. He gasps, and I jump back.
I approach again when his eyes settle on me. “Can you hear me?”
“Rebecca,” he mumbles.
“I’m here!” I drop beside him but he hides his hand when I reach for it. “I was so worried about you.”
He closes his eyes again, but I suspect it’s only weakness this time.
“I’ll get you a drink.”
He shakes his head. “A garbage can!”
I grab the closest one, and he vomits into it, coughing violently. My heart breaks as I retrieve towels and water from the bathroom. After he finishes, he drinks deeply from the cup and wipes the towel over his face.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, falling back to the bed.
Emotion builds in my throat. “Don’t apologize. I’m the one who was wrong. I should have looked for you.”
His jaw tightens. “You were right not to. You wouldn’t have been able to get to me. You know that.”
“Maybe, but I should have done something. Called for help. I knew where you were, and I just let them do it. I didn’t do anything.”
“And what exactly could you have done?” His eyes search mine. “You’re starting to see it now.”
“Did they get what they wanted?”
His fist clenches. “No.”
“And these?”
Daniel follows my fingers to the bandages on his chest. “They’re nothing. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Daniel…”
“I said no!”
I back off and study him closely. “I told them I would help.”
“I know. That’s why they let me go.”
The air is thick in the silence.
“So, what do we do?”
