Her expression hardens into what I’m sure is a familiar pattern for their exchanges. “That’s not an honest response, andyou know it. Come, Daniel. Maybe being honest with yourself will help you more than you think.”
“Sure. Because that’s my problem: not enough honesty,” he mutters.
She smiles. “Well, that response was honest in a way. Why do you say that?”
“Because this has nothing to do with me. You’re up for a promotion, right? What’d Clausen promise if you could break me?”
“This isn’t the time or place, Daniel. You know what I meant by my question.”
He rolls his eyes and focuses on the far wall. “That doesn’t make it any less bullshit.”
“Okay, now that’s something. So you don’t think the question is valid?”
She has his attention again, but not in the way she wants. “Blend in or embrace your differences? Really? Where do you even get all this crap?”
“Please just answer so we can move on.”
Daniel leans forward and scrubs a hand over his face. “You know, maybe people would actually talk in these bullshit sessions if you asked questions that actually made sense.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning, you’re posing a false dichotomy. It’s an either-or where neither answer is valid.”
This clearly surprises her. Whether it’s his point or the very fact of his engagement, I’m not sure. “Why do you say that?”
“‘Blend in or embrace your differences?’ You say shit like that like it’s a choice we have, when in reality, it’s just stupid discussion group jargon. It doesn’t actually mean anything. We couldn’t do either even if we wanted to. We’re always going to be alone. We’re freaks who don’t see the rest of the world the sameas everyone else. You can make up euphemisms and hug all you want, but it won’t change anything.”
“You don’t think you can learn to understand your gift and—”
“Gift?” he spits out. “Will you frauds stop calling it that? Who here thinks they have a gift?” His heated gaze scans the class, and no one dares to budge. “Like I said, total bullshit. We can sit here and gush about feelings all day, but in the end, we’re all just monsters who will never understand you and you will never understand us. We can’t even understand each other.”
I shudder at the way Instructor Chambers studies him, unfazed by his outburst. How many times have they had this exchange, and yet, just this brief glimpse into his “normal” leaves me reeling. He’s right, and his rant so closely pierces the heart of my own dilemma I could’ve made the same speech if I had an ounce of his courage. But I don’t. I’m the girl who watches when it matters, intrudes when it doesn’t.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Daniel. Does anyone else share that belief?”
My heart screams for me to respond, at least nod an agreement, but my brain refuses. The warnings come flooding back, the guard, the visions. I could fit in here. I don’t have to be the freak.
The instructor casts a cursory glance around the circle before landing it back on Daniel. “I guess you don’t speak for the group, but I’d be happy to discuss your concerns after class. In fact, you should plan on sticking around for a while.”
His gaze darkens, something fierce flashing through his eyes before they lower to the floor. My pulse races, my insides crying out for something that means anything.
“He speaks for me,” I blurt out.
Chambers’ attention snaps to me—along with Daniel’s.
“Really? In what way?”
Clearing my throat, I squirm under the weight of their interest. “I mean, he’s right. If we don’t even understand each other, how can we expect others to understand us?”
“Well, that’s an interesting thought. Don’t you think that’s part of what we’re trying to do here? Don’t you think by collectively sharing our stories, we’ll begin to understand each other?”
I huff a dry laugh. “‘Collectively sharing our stories?’ You mean spreading gossip? That’s the only bonding I’ve seen going on in this place.”
She bristles, but Daniel’s surprised interest gives me courage. “I’m sorry you feel that way, since you’ve only been here a short time.”
“What better judge than the new kid? I’m just saying, I have yet to see any evidence of compassion and empathy. I’ve seen a ton of the opposite.”
“Really? I’m sorry to hear that. So do you also think it’s impossible to understand each other? Do you also think you’re destined to remain isolated?”
