“You are horrible,” Leo says into our kiss. “You need to stop talking about sex because I already hate that we’re shopping, and knowing I have to suffer through it before we’re able to do any of that again makes it even worse.”
She is not wrong.
But we really do need to shop.
Redirecting our conversation as well as our route, I smile as Leo and I keep heading toward the stretch of eclectic shops she used to visit regularly. She still does, all online now, and part of that has been her mental health but I also know there’s more to it.
Leonor will never admit it again after accidentally saying it to Mark, not even to me, but she’s scared.
Dealing with past trauma is one thing. One extremely difficult thing, but it can be done. Dealing with past traumaandpotentially new trauma that is replicating the past trauma? That is an entirely different demon, and our fearless badass is scared of it.
Rightfully so, the fact that she’s been functioning at all with this copycat shit going on is kind of amazing. But it’s got all of us on edge and it would be completely normal for Leonor to showfear or whatever, especially since she’s been dealing with this for quite a while solo. She won’t, though.
I actually think she’s in denial over this.
Not massively, not in atake things lightly and don’t worrykind of way, but I think Leo is trying to convince herself this is nothing. That it’ll pass. She thinks this is some kind of prank and it’ll blow over, and nothing will come from it.
Just like she did last time.
Shaking those thoughts from my head, I squeeze her hand a little tighter as we turn left toward Inked in Sin, one of the only two tattoo parlors we go to. Ash has been tattooing us for years, him and Tori and Vince from Morbid Ink, but I haven’t seen him in ages.
Maybe I can convince Leo to go.
We always did like getting ink together.
This could be a comfortable way to transition Leonor back out into the world. A walk through town, a little shopping since she won’t allow for much more than that, then we hit Inked in Sin before we go home. That should be…
I look down just in time to see the same crack in the sidewalk I always avoid, the one that looks like a wicked bolt of lightning. And when I lift my all black Chuck’s to walk around it, my stomach pitches and the worst case of deja vu smacks me right in the face.
“You and that damn crack.” Leo laughs as she makes a show of jumping over it. “See, I went over it, and nothing happened to me.”
Scowling, I walk around it then immediately take a knee to tie and untie my shoes twice. “Because I always do this. You don’t trip, I don’t trip, no one eats cement because I always have to do this right here. If I didn’t I’m sure more people would be missing their goddamn front teeth just because my fucking OCD has a hero complex. Fucking bullshit is what…”
“Hey.”
I aggressively tug at my laces before a small tattooed hand covers mine, my words trailing off as I take a deep breath. But I don’t look up. I don’t have to, I know what look Leo is giving me, and I know what words she’s going to say. I know she’s not making fun of me. If anything, Leonor is trying to make light of one of the most annoying rituals I have so I don’t feel like the world’s biggest asshole for taking up the entire sidewalk so I can do this. I know all of that, but it doesn’t make this any easier.
“Lucky, if you weren’t halfway through I’d tell you to stop and look at me, but I know better. I just wanted to make sure you know that you’re the only one who has a problem with this. Not me, not anyone else on the streets of NOLA at the moment.”
“Yeah,” I grunt while tying my right shoe tight then immediately unlacing the left. “I know.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah.”
“Really?”
I roll my eyes and can’t help the way my lips turn up at the corners. “Yeah, I really fucking do. I’m perfect the way I am yada yada, and shouldn’t give a fuck about anyone else blah blah. I know.”
“Good,” Leo chirps as she flicks my lip ring and takes off running down the sidewalk.
Getting to my feet, I can’t help but chuckle as I watch her climb the streetlight at the end of the sidewalk, dangling from it while she impatiently waits for me to join her so we can make our appointment with Ash. But the moment is short lived when I start walking away from the crack and my stomach flips.
I’m so fucking tense I could snap.
I don’t like keeping things from Leo, it’s why I never have before, and this is a pretty big thing. One I need to talk to Pete about handling because it’s going to make me sick if we don’t.
So far she hasn’t picked up on it, or maybe she has but hasn’t said anything like she normally would, but either way I can’t keep doing this. It’s killing me to not say anything when the guys already know, and it’s making my OCD go bonkers while I wait.
