Sinking onto my side of the bed I open the thread of messages between Justine and I before sending her my last coherent one of the night.
Just checking in. I love you.
2:31 in the morning.
I should make note of the time in my journal, the exact minute what’s left of my bruised heart breaks. It’ll be a great reminder to continue my spiral if I ever get hopeful again.
Tossing my phone on the floor, I crawl into my unmade bed, my bed that smells like Lucky and Pete, and bury my face in the pillows. I tuck my knees up against my chest and stop fighting the tears that have been threatening to break free since Franc showed up, crying as quietly as I can because there is no stopping it.
When I hear the door open, close, then lock before all the lights go off downstairs, I roll to my side so I’m facing away from the doorway. I can’t bear the look that will no doubt be on both of their faces.
“Sorry, cakes, we...” Lucky trails off and sets down what sounds like no less than four beers and a bag of chips on the nightstand. “Leo? Leonor, I know you’re awake.”
He walks around the end of the bed and appears in my line of sight as a heavy weight dips on the mattress behind me. Still in his sweats, shirtless, barefoot and drinking, Lucky crouches in front of me and gives me a soft smile.
At least he’s not leaving yet.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Lucky smooths my hair out of my eyes and frowns once he sees tears. “Leo, what is it?”
I shake my head and try not to completely lose my shit, but then he leans forward and kisses next to each of my eyes before kissing my lips sweetly while Pete wraps himself around me and buries his face in my hair.
“Talk to us, Leo.”
“You can’t love me, Lucky, no one can.”
He brushes his thumbs under my eyes. “I don’t understand, baby, you need to give me more than that.”
“That’s just it.” I stop his hands and scoot away from Pete, sitting up to pull my knees back up to my chest. “I can’t give youmore than that. I can’t give you what you deserve. You can’t love me.”
Lucky’s stormy gray eyes search my face, his brows furrowing to form a crease between them.
What I wouldn’t give to smooth away that line, to make him smile at me the way he was before even if it’s the last time.
And when I take a chance and look at Pete, an almost identical look on his handsome face, that knot in my gut tightens before dropping to my knees.
“What are you talking about? Princess, we don’t understand.”
“Franc is going to make you leave me. He hates me and because of him, you’ll leave...” I blurt then sniffle hard and try not to blow snot all over myself while I sound desperate and insane. “Franc knows things, and he hates me, and he’ll tell you those things so you don’t want to be with me.” I watch my tears fall to my knees as I avoid looking at them. “And he’s right, Lucky. You should leave me. You never should have come back.”
I turn my head, resting my cheek against my arm as I hug my knees tighter.
Why did I let them in? Why didn’t I just continue to shut them out? Why didn’t I push them away when they showed up here? It would have been better for all of us.
Ok, maybe not forme, but it would be better for my boys.
“Leo, look at me.”
I shake my head and shut my eyes tight. I can’t look at him, I can’t look at either of them. I want to remember the way they looked a little while ago, blissed out, happy, high on life. Not how either of them will look now; disgusted and angry that they said what they said, that they touched me in any way let alone... I can’t have that be my last memory of the men I love.
“Damnit Leo, will you look at me, please? I want your eyes on me when I say what I have to say.”
Slowly, I turn and my gaze connects with Lucky’s.
He reaches out, gently lifting my head before he grabs the sides of my neck and holds firmly, his thumbs making sure I can’t look away. “You do not get to tell me who I can and cannot love. I’ve fought my entire life against that, and when I fell in with the four of you, I didn’t have to anymore because you made me realize I would never have to fight that battle again with you in my corner.”
A big fat tear rolls down my cheek and splashes off his beautiful hand, but Lucky doesn’t slow down or skip a beat. “Franc doesn’t get to dictate a damn thing in my life. He’s tried, for damn near thirty-six years he’s tried but never once has he succeeded, and right now is no different.”
I feel Pete scoot me forward some before he slides behind me, wrapping me up in his arms again as he drops his mouth next to my ear. “Francesco is a douche canoe, princess, and you know that. This isn’t some isolated incident, he’s never liked you and as soon as Luck and I changed our relationship to what it always should have been, he all but hated me, too. This is who he is and he’s never going to change, just like we’re never going to stop protecting you from how much of an asshat he can be. That won’t change either.”
