Page 61 of Haunted Nightmares
If I allowed myself the chance.
Rejecting her or accepting her, I am an even bigger danger to Zephyr than I was before, and that was merely assessing what I could in between Zenlothanai’s droning and my inner turmoil over the way my mate causes me to experience panic attacks. There are more things counting against us, extinct creatures and the possibility of some strange Species War 2.0. This is the worst kind of catch twenty two, and I was determined to try my hand at having Zephyr reject me.
Looking at her now? I see the sweet and perfect female I was once privileged to call mine sitting on the floor of our burnt out bedroom, slumped against a charred wall, her tears dried up despite the sadness rolling off of her. The sight guts me but knowing how it came to be, that my gentle breeze marched in here ready to face whatever I’d become and give me a piece of her mind, it was impressive to say the least. Even more so once she demonstrated a control over her gifts I’ve never seen her use. Zephyr’s strength and resilience, her willpower and resolve, they are a force to be reckoned with—sheis a force to be reckoned with, and I don’t have what it takes to fight her any longer.
Except, my mate beats me to raising the white flag.
“You win.”
My brow furrows as I watch my gentle breeze shift around, a chunk of the wall falling to the floor next to her but when she briefly glances in my direction I quickly look away and push a disgusting hand back through my hair. “Don’t be daft.”
“Then I give up,” Zephyr says with a sigh as she gets to her feet. “The sun is setting soon, maybe in an hour or two then I’ll be out of your way.”
That foreign and uncontrollable panic immediately returns at her words, its claws dragging down my spine before pushing into my gut with a painful twist.
She’s finished with me.
Zephyr has finally had enough of my shite, death and rebirth or whatever the fuck it was opened her eyes and when she truly saw the hollowed out and rotting prick I’ve become, that’s all it took.
My mate is done with me, she’s given up on me, and the second she can, she’ll leave me.
Despite the panic that is creeping into every cell of my body, I keep my mouth shut.
I keep my mouth shut as I feel anger filling in the holes my dying heart left inside of me.
This is exactly what I wanted.
I wanted Zephyr to reject me, to let me go all on her own. The madness wouldn’t come for her the same way, it wouldn’t hurt her, and she would be free of me. My gentle breeze will be safe, and this is exactly what I wanted the second I believed she had returned to me.
Which is why it’s positively insane when I hear myself say, “Where are you going?”
She pauses her movements, stops brushing ash from her dress to look up at me with red rimmed eyes. “Why do you care?”
“I don’t,” I lie as my stomach pitches. “But this is still my house, I’ve given no one permission to move about it freely.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“So you’ve said.”
Zephyr sighs, long and exhausted. “I don’t want to sit here anymore. I physically cannot produce anymore tears after all that but sitting in this room looking like this, with you looking like that, it’s just too much.”
Glancing down at my chest, I realize for the first time since I touched down in my dining room that I’m completely naked save for a butcher’s apron, I’m covered in troll blood and smeared in ash.
The clothes I’d been wearing when I dematerialized to Lorna’s tent didn’t fit me properly once I fed from Zephyr, my body instantly absorbing what my mate didn’t offer to begin healing itself with what I truly need, and when I left it to get away from everyone, I didn’t bother putting them back on. Though, I’m sure I wasn’t the one who removed them, not completely anyway. They were relatively ruined when I essentially forced myself on my mate and I doubt I had the wherewithal to pull my goddamn trousers up before I blackedout. And since I convinced myself I still had business with that leathery little gremlin on my table, I donned the apron and called it good.
“Ah,” I grunt as I get to my feet as well. “It’s nice to know, after all this time,thisis what it takes for you to be disgusted with me. Should have jumped on this fashion trend sooner, yeah?”
Throwing her hands in the air, Zephyr turns away from me and walks into the hall, my terrified and growing angrier by the second arse practically running to follow her. “I asked where you’re going,Zephyr,and I demand an answer.”
“I hate it when you say my name like that.”
I know.
But I can’t fucking control myself anymore and my fear of losing her for good, again, coupled with my anger over every goddamn thing that’s happened since I found out she was alive has me acting like a bloody child.
At least I’m not trying to eat her yet.
My vision hasn’t even changed to tracking her body temperature, and I will take as the small and fucked up victory it is.
