Either way, it fucking hurts, and I can't do this with him right now.
“You saw why I rejected you,he interrupts my thoughts and pins me down harder.I am a fucking monster, cursed with an evil so great it would only bring you pain. I tried to spare you from that.”
“Gee, thanks,”I scoff and try a little more to get away from him. “It's nice to know that even without being mated, you were still trying to make decisions for me. News flash,Alpha, nobody gets to do that and I decided then I didn't care about the monster I saw, I only cared about the male underneath.”
His eyes soften but don't stray as a look of relief washes over his wolf, one that is quickly replaced by something else. “And look where that got you. I hurt you, I almost killed you, and because you refused to accept my rejection, you wound up in that hellhole of a lab for half a century.”
“Neither of which was your fault! I made my decision, Ichoseto deny your rejection and embrace how much I love you. It didn't matter what came after because I knew in my heart you were it for me.”Now I'm getting pissed. Really pissed, and it's starting to override the pain for the time being. “You weren't the one who hurt me, Colton. That thing isn't you! I could see that then and I see it now. I know it to be fact because if it was you who attacked me by the river then you wouldn't have stopped. And you sure as hell wouldn't have been able to fight off that monster to save me!”
If wolves had eyebrows, I'd imagine Colton's would be sky high right now.
Those whisky gold eyes are wide as he jerks his head back, but he doesn't let up, just stares down at me like I'm nuts.
“You didn't know that, did you? You had no idea that despite the way that thing took over, you still fought tooth and nail to keep it at bay. Just before that monster tore out my throat, it howled in pain and you shifted back. You dropped next to me totally unconscious, but whatever you did before that saved me.”
Colton looks at me for a long time, his breathing ragged, harsh, and I can almost see him try to remember the rest of those few minutes by the river. “I... but I…”
“You saved me, Colton, and even though you can't stand to look at me now, I've worn my scars with pride because I always felt like they were a symbol of your…”I snort and shake my head. “They just meant a lot to me, but I get it. They aren't pretty to look at. They make me look like a freak, and I understand that you wouldn’t—”
With a renewed edge, Colton paws my shoulders and pushes them into the dirt. “You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.”He leans down and nudges my snout with his before he licks my nose. “Beautiful when I first saw you, beautiful like this, fucking gorgeous while you sat on the floor of my cabin and stole all my bacon.”
I will not swoon over his words.
I will not get hopeful over what he's saying.
And I will not laugh because he noticed I ate his bacon too.
Especially when a thought occurs to me.Then why wouldn't you look at me?
“Because I was afraid.”Colton pins me with his eyes, keeping my focus on him for as long as he can. “I was afraid of what I'd see if I did, and I don't mean your scars that change absolutely fucking nothing about how goddamn sexy you are. I was scared to look at you and see hate, see the pain I caused, see the way you were disgusted by me knowing what I did to you.”He nudges my snout again. “More than that, I was terrified I'd look at you and find forgiveness, find love and hope. I wasn't sure what I would do if I looked at you, talked to you, got close to you, and saw those things when I am so unworthy of them I've spent decades hating myself for what I did to you. For what I did tous.”
Yeah, I'd be sobbing like a lunatic right now if it were possible.
“And what makes all of that worse…”Colton huffs in my face before easing up on my shoulders a bit. “Is how badly I want those things from you. I want your forgiveness so I can try to make it up to you. I want the hope because it's a promise of the future I tried to avoid, and I want your love so goddamn bad because I love you with everything I have, and it is the only thing I can give you in order to try to make up for what I've done. My love is the only promise that would even come close to making things right so we can have that future. I want those things from you more than I want my next breath, but I am so unworthy of them that you should reject me yourself. But you want to know the problem with that?”
I push down my pain and wait on bated breath for him to continue, and when he does, fuck my life, I might actually be the first wolf to shed a tear.
“I won't let you. I won't let you reject me and I sure as fuck won't be rejecting you because even though I know it's what is best for you, it'll fucking kill me to live another second without you now that you're here.”
I try to look away, try not to believe him because this could be a result of going into heat, right? Maybe? I mean, crazy things happen when a mated couple experiences the female’s need, so I have good reason to believe it’s even crazier when an unmated pair do? That has to be it.
But Colton isn't having that and nips at my nose so I meet his eyes. “I fucking love you, Lark, and I want you as my mate, the mother of my pups, my Luna, and my entire fucking world from this day forward. And I will fight like hell to prove it to you if I have to.”
I look up at him for a few seconds, searching his eyes for the truth I so clearly see, and it feels like my heart is going to break wide open and restitch itself to Colton's but my wolf howls before I can respond and I scream in pain as another wave of heat rolls through me so hard it forces me to shift.
I try to curl into a ball, attempt to bring my knees to my chest to alleviate some of the pulsing angry knives destroying my lady bits, but find that I can't.
I can't move at all.
I can't move because Colton—not his wolf—is on top of me, pinning me to the ground the same way he was before but now we're skin to skin.
Allskin to skin and that fucking hurts worse than it did a few minutes ago.
"Lark..." His voice is soft but strained. "Let me help you, please."
My eyes slam shut as I try not to scream in his ridiculously handsome face. "You can't."
"I'm the only one who truly can and you know it. Let me help you, Birdie, please. I want to."
