Page 93 of Insidious Heart
“Stevie,” I bark as I push the door open and barrel into the bathroom, throwing caution to the wind because I don’t give a shit about anything but her right now. “Stevie, what the hell—”
“I just wanted to remember…” she whispers as she holds out her right arm. Stevie looks up at me as my stare bounces between her tear-stained face and the multiple lines carved into her skin. “And I wanted to forget.”
Fuck.
Fuck, that’s a lot of blood.
Quickly, I grab the hand towel and cover the cuts, applying pressure as I lift her arm above her heart. I search her eyes, those normally vibrant aquamarine orbs dim and bloodshot. “What the hell are you talking about? What the fuck were you…” And that’s when I notice her fat lip and the bruises around her throat. “Did someone hurt you?”
Stevie breaks my stare and looks over my shoulder.
“Tell me,” I growl, my grip on her arm tightening as my anger grows. “Tell me who the hell put their hands on you.”
“No one,” she says quietly, her voice almost robotic.
And I’m not fucking buying it.
“No one?No onesplit your lip?No onesqueezed your throat hard enough to leave marks?” Stevie nods like a zombie as I look her over head to toe, my anger turning to rage when I see obvious bruises on her chest and ribs. “I guessno oneleft those either, huh?”
Stevie nods again, and I fucking lose it.
“Don’t lie to me.” My hold on her arm turns vice-like as I back her toward the wall. I bring my face level with hers, forcing Stevie to look at me whether she wants to or not. “Do not fucking lie to me, little dove. I want to know who the fuck touched you and I want the truth.”
“It doesn’t matter.” She doesn’t blink as a tear rolls down her cheek. “Nothing matters.”
Stevie bumps into the wall and I roughly pin her there. “That’s bullshit. That’s fucking bullshit because if it didn’t fucking matter then you wouldn’t need this.” I grab her left wrist and bring her hand holding the razor blade between us. “If it didn’t fucking matter you wouldn’t be standing here trying to open a goddamn vein.”
Another tear slips down her face, sliding past her swollen lip to drop off her chin, and something inside me starts to claw its way to the surface.
Images I buried long ago, images of my brother laying dead on the floor of the Monsignor’s office slam to the front of my mind, and with them comes a level of fear I haven’t felt since then.
“You don’t get to do that.” My voice cracks as it raises, as the anger turns to panic. “You don’t get to fucking do that, you hear me? Are you listening, Stevie? You don’t get todie, you don’t get to fucking leave me. You areneverfucking leaving me, Stevie.” She finally fucking blinks up at me, her eyes widening a little as I shake her. “Say it.”
“I… Victor, I—”
“Fucking say it, Stevie.” Frantic. I am fucking frantic right now, horrified of what I just walked in on, terrified over the real possibility of losing my sweet little dove and what it all means. “Fucking tell me you are never leaving me.”
“Victor—”
“You want to remember? Want to forget? Want to hurt yourself because it’s the only way you know how?”
Stevie nods.
“I can make you remember, can make you forget, but I willnotlet you hurt yourself.” I swallow hard but it does nothing to keep me from yelling at her. I’m too far gone for that. “I willnotlet you leave me, Stevie, Ican’t.You do not get to leave me, so if you want pain to make you feel something other than how you’re feeling, this”—I move quickly, lifting her hand and the razor blade to my chest before slicing the flesh over my heart—“will have to do. You want relief, you want to numb out or feel something, then you use me.Hurtme.” I force her to cut my chest two more times; three scars to match hers. “You hurtmeall you want, Stevie, because I refuse to let you hurt yourself. Irefuseto let you leaveme.You aremineand you cannot leave me.”
We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, our chests rising and falling rapidly, my heart thundering against my ribs. Stevie’s gaze drops to the cuts on my skin, the blood running over it in thin streams, but when she lifts her eyes, I don’t see what I did before staring back at me.
What I see, what it does to me… through all of my anger, all of my panic and fear, my cock still hardened when the blade met my skin and the look Stevie is giving me has it throbbing in my jeans.
Lust.
Gone is the hollow, empty expression, and my little dove is looking at me with so much lust in those teal-blue eyes that I have no choice but to act.
Dropping my hold in favor of gripping Stevie’s neck, I tilt her head seconds before I crush my lips to hers. She opens for me immediately, my girl kissing me back just as hard, just as needy, her tongue dancing with mine in a frenzy of movements. My hands slide down her body, cupping her breasts and pinching her nipples before traveling to her ass where I squeeze as Stevie loops her arms around my neck, pulling us flush against each other as we continue to kiss.
I suck on her tongue, nip at her lower lip on the side that isn’t swollen, but when I try to move to the side of her neck, Stevie doesn’t let me. She bites my bottom lip hard then kisses away the sting before doing it again.
Fuck.
