Page 2 of Insidious Heart
Where his eyes are a deep blue and full of sweet innocence, mine are almost indigo, a strange and unusual—anunnatural—color that has everyone convinced that the devil is living inside me.
After what I did, he just might be.
“Victor, Toby,” Sister Sylvia says as the old bat gimps over to our table. “Good day to you, boys.”
My smile falls immediately as my gaze swings toward theright hand of God, the angel of no mercy, the demon in nun’s habit. I scowl as she stops next to Toby, the bitch’s stare fixed on my little brother who has abandoned his hard work altogether in favor of bowing his head and cowering next to me.
“Sister,” I grit through clenched teeth as she looks over his work. “What can we do for you today?”
She ignores me and reaches out, sliding the paper toward her to get a better look at the writing on the page. “This is a serious improvement, Toby. I can clearly read your name this time.”
My brother chances a look at the nun and my heart breaks over the way hestillseeks validation from anyone with tits and a twat, no matter how dusty and gross they may be.
He can’t help it though, not really.
The only thing Toby ever wanted was for our mother to love him, even after she caused a traumatic brain injury to his still developing brain, and it was like that near-fatal incident turned it into an obsession.
Always doing things to try to please her.
Toby did everything our mother demanded of him. He turned into her whipping boy in more ways than one, and instead of understanding that it was never going to change, that he was never going to get her approval or love, it almost seemed to make him try harder. Then he’d lose his temper and start trashing the house when it didn’t happen; something that almost felt like a form of self-punishment because of what our parents would do to him for it.
And since getting dumped here at St. Pat’s, Sister Sylvia had become the mother figure Toby is still yearning for. Regardless of how dangerous that can be.
“Th-thank you, Sister,” my brother whispers.
She nods. “The Monsignor will be so proud of you.”
Ice floods my veins as she says those words, my spine stiffening and hackles raising.
“The M-Monsignor?” Toby looks up at her with a confused expression. “The M-Monsignor is g-going to see my wr-writing?”
“I think it’s finally time we show him all of the hard work you’ve been doing.” Sister Sylvia forces a smile, her dry and cracked lips twisting in a way that makes her look crazier than they say I am. “Would you like that, Toby?”
He begins to nod but I shake my head and get to my feet. “Not today, Sister.”
Her eyes snap to mine and narrow. “Excuse me?”
“I said, not today. I’m sure you meant to come for me instead. Meant that I could show the Monsignor Toby’s work when I go to his office for our daily confession.”
A genuine smile touches the evil bitch’s mouth but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Yourconfessionis at the normal time, Victor. Right after lunch like always, but Monsignor Wicker, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, thought it was time to start meeting with Toby in the same—“
“No!” I bark out. “No, that was not the deal. Monsignor promised me! He promised—”
“Hush,my child,”the nun hisses as she quickly glances around the common room. Sister Sylvia forces another smile and says a few “everything is fine here, go back to your activities”to the other boys now looking at us before narrowing her cold, dead eyes on me once again. “The Monsignor feels it is time to progress with Toby’s spiritual walk. It’s time for him to seek forgiveness for what the two of you did and—”
“Bullshit!” I kick my chair out of the way and round the table, putting myself between this rotten bitch and my little brother. “The Monsignorpromisedthat as long as I came to him daily, as long as I kept on my ownspiritual journeytoward atonement for my sins, he’d leave Toby alone because he is innocent.”
“Even the innocent can ask for absolution, Victor.” Sister Sylvia takes a step back as my hands ball into fists, a sliver of fear flickering in her eyes. “Something you should be all too familiar with sincethe devilmade you do what you did to your poor, sweet father.”
Before I can lunge, before I can get close enough to this horrible bitch, two orderlies are on me, wrenching my arms behind my back to the point of pain while they start leading me out of the room.
“Mr. Crow needs some time in thereflectionroom,” Sister Sylvia says as she motions for Toby to stand. “Give him a robe as well. I want him to be as comfortable as possible while he thinks about his actions and waits for confession.”
“Bitch!” I spit as the sorry excuses for nurse’s aides drag me kicking and screaming away from my brother. My brother who’s staring at me with wide,fearful, blue eyes swimming in tears. “You fucking bitch! I’ll kill you. I’ll kill all of you! You hear me,Sister? You or that bastard Monsignor touch one hair on my brother’s head and you are fuckingdead!”
* * *
More hoursthan I could keep track of and several beatings later, the same two orderlies are practically carrying me down the hall to Monsignor Wicker’s office.
