Page 125 of Insidious Heart
“Your civilian kills,” Stevie whispers. “They were personal.”
I chuckle like the fucked up piece of shit I am. “I beat my father to death with a baseball bat when I was twelve-years-old. He was my first kill and I guess that wholeparent-childrelationship makes it personal.”
“Why?” She takes a step closer, her body relaxing a tiny bit. “You went twelve years suppressing your urges; twelve years putting up with the abuse. What changed?”
“Toby.” My god just saying his name is like reliving his death all over again. “Toby changed everything.”
Realization hits her instantly and Stevie gasps, “Your brother.”
“See? Always right.”
“Your parents abused him, too.”
“Not if I could help it!” I snap and fist my hair through my hood. “I did every chore, took every beating, shouldered the blame for every single thing that happened in order to protect him but I fucking failed. I should have known better. Ididknow better, and when I walked in to find my father picking up a nearly lifeless eight-year-old Toby off the floor, I lost it. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t think. I just grabbed my bat from the hall closet and made sure that son of a bitch would never lay a hand on my brother again.”
Stevie swipes at her tears as she takes another cautious step. “And your mother did nothing.”
“Nothing but have usbothsent away to a boys home—Saint Pat’s. The hell I found in that holy place was worse than anything I’d ever experienced at home.”
“Victor…”
I shake my head. “I tried to keep it from him then too, tried to protect Toby from every sick and sadistic thing the Monsignor did to me. Starvation, sleep deprivation, isolation. The beatings, the floggings to myleft thigh, and rape. That righteous bastard took every shred of dignity I might have had and he did itknowingI wouldn’t fight him if it meant keeping my brother safe.”
“But it didn’t. Not forever.”
“Not even close!” I drop my arms to my sides and close my eyes, breathing deeply as Toby’s vacant, dead stare slams into the forefront of my mind. “The day the Monsignor killed my brother was the day Victor Crow died.” Slowly my eyes open and connect with Stevie’s clear blue ones. “That was the day The Harvester of Bones was born and I have never looked back, not once, but I swear on my scorched soul that this body and the ones that came before itare not mine.”
My little dove nods, sniffling and trying to compose herself the best she can. “I believe you. I’m sorry I doubted you, but I believe you. You’ve always done things for a reason, always gone after the monsters hiding in the shadows because—”
“Because I couldn’t save Toby.Hehas been my reason from my very first kill, and now…” My heart starts slamming into my rib cage so hard I might be sick, but she needs to know. Stevie needs to know how I feel about her in the only way I can properly explain it, and she needs to know now. “Youare my reason, baby dove.”
“Tor,” she whispers as the hint of a smile tugs at her lips.
And I sigh in so much fucking relief my shoulders sag. “Leave it to me to do something like thishere—”
Stevie looks around at the carnage and shrugs. “No disrespect to Sasha, but it does make sense.”
“I guess. And she’ll have justice because I’m going to catch the asshat who killed her, but I need you to know I have never lied to you, Stevie, and that’s becauseyouare my reason.” She opens her mouth but I hold up a hand to stop her. “You should know that I have Beau and I’ve been torturing him ever since I pulled him off of you. He’s not on Kings’ property, and they don’t know I have him.”
Little John is still the only one who knows for sure, but the Kings aren’t stupid and if they haven’t figured it out already, they will soon enough.
“He deserves it,” Stevie says, surprising the fuck out of me. “Beau deserves to be taught a lesson.”
“He does…” With a sigh, I reach up and rub the back of my neck through my suit. “But here’s the thing.”
She frowns. “What thing?”
“I was kind of hired to kill your father.”
Stevie blinks at me then does it again before awkwardly laughing. “What?”
I nod slowly, now worried that everything I just said is going to blow up in my face because of my need to be transparent with my girl. “I’d already been tracking him when we met but I didn’t know you were his daughter until after that. And, honestly, it didn’t matter to me because you were mine the second I laid eyes on you.”
“But you never used me?” she asks skeptically.
“No! Fuck no! You should know that. He didn’t come up in conversation until The Dollhouse.”
“I guess you’re right…”
