Page 113 of Insidious Heart
John shakes his head with a sigh. “You haven’t killed him yet?”
“No,” I say, annoyance lacing my tone. “I was about to, though, so if you would kindly get to the fucking point of—”
“She’s awake.”
The ice pick falls from my hand as my posture straightens. “Stevie’s awake?”
“Couple hours ago. Ember was there, got the full story from her, then Harlow did an exam.” He nods, watching me closely as I start disrobing. “On the mend, things are healing up good, but she’s real sore.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I quickly step out and pull the door shut, locking up the trailer before almost running down the steps. “You were supposed to tell me right away, I specifically remember sayingimmediately.”
John keeps my pace, weaving in and out of giant vehicles as he follows me to my RV. “Pope just called, said Harlow didn’t want you showing up until she gave the all clear. Thought you mightoverwhelmStevie after everything that’s happened.”
“Bah.” I wave my hand through the air dismissively and tsk as I unlock my home, rushing inside and right to the bathroom. “I’m not overwhelming. Not to Stevie.”
“Tor, you still overwhelmmeand I’ve been putting up with your looney ass for over a decade.”
“Because you’re old,Johnathon.My little dove is young and feisty.” I turn on the shower and don’t bother waiting for it to warm up before I get in and pull the clear curtain shut. “And Stevie loves my ass.”
John leans in the doorway, the shadow he casts nearly as scary as the man himself. “And you love her.”
“Baby dove does have a perky little rear end. She’s willowy and sexy everywhere, but her butt cheeks are pretty fabulous, so, I guess you’re right. I do love her ass.”
“Not herass, idiot.Her. You’re in love with Stevie,” my mentor mumbles.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I scrub shampoo in my hair and wash my face. “Speak up, old man! It sounded like you said I’m in love with Stevie, and since we both know that’s not possible, it must mean I can’t hear your muttering through the curtain!”
“Listen up, Tor,” John says with a growl as he whips open the curtain. “I mean it. You listen to me for a minute.”
I nod slowly and squint one eye as soap runs down my face.What the fuck has gotten into him?
The bear of a man takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. “You’re the only person on the planet that knows what really happened with Jacqueline.”
Another nod because, yes, Iamthe only person who knows what happened with Little John Andrews and the only woman he’s ever loved, just like he’s the only one that knows what happened to Toby.
When he started teaching me, John drilled home the point that what separates him—us—from your run of the mill murderer is the motive behind it.You need a reason, Tor. A reason to do what you do so you never fuck it up.He said that to me every day for years and still occasionally says it to me now, but those first few weeks it drove me nuts because I thought myreasonwas how much I liked killing people, and one day I lost my shit and asked John what hisnoble motivewas.
And that’s when he told me about Jackie.
Despite popular belief, he wasn’t born a hitman, and tried like hell to get away from the MC lifestyle his siblings were drawn to, so John saved his pennies and enrolled in college. He was into the second year of his business degree when he met Jackie while she was home for Christmas break with the family. She was friends with his sister, Shannon, who was a couple years younger, and according to John, he knew the second he laid eyes on Jackie that she was meant to be his. Problem was, Jaqueline was heavy into the motorcycle club life because her father was the president of the Pythons at the time, and he’d alreadypromised herto the VP of a different club in order to unify them.
So, they started seeing each other in secret.
Letters sent while he was away, and sneaking off to spend time together when John was home. It was the kind of shit you see in movies and my mentor thought it would end that way too, but it didn’t.
John wanted to marry her, but Jackie knew her father would never approve so the two eloped, deciding to tell himafterthe fact in hopes it would go over better. They waited a few months, carried on in secret despite being man and wife, and when Jackie found out she was pregnant—almost six months along with a son—it was time to put it all out there.
Jackie didn’t wait for John, though.
She told her father before he got to their house, and in a fit of rage the bastard threw her down the stairs, breaking her neck and killing both her and the baby instantly. And John walked in to find her.
The president of the Pythons became John’s first kill, then his brother Luis—or Link, as he was widely known—stepped in to run things, and Jaqueline and their baby boy became the reason Little John Andrews, hitman extraordinaire, was born.
“Jackie, our son, they were my reason behind every life I took, every piece of scum I wiped out. If I could rid the world of one more sick bastard that rained down hell and hurt innocent people then I sure as fuck was going to do it, and I did it to honor their memory.”
With what is probably a blank look on my face, I slowly begin rinsing my hair. “Like Toby.”
John gives me a curt nod. “Like Toby. He’s been your reason for twelve years, longer even though you didn’t realize it, and that’s what separates us.”
