“Practically back to sleep before his nightlight went on.”
Tate looks at me for a few beats, her eyes searching my face, scanning every detail. I’m not sure what she’s looking for exactly, but I don’t move, don’t flinch under her scrutiny. Her expression is analytical but warm and I want her to see me, really see me and the way I’ve changed, how I’m trying my damnedest to get myself right in order to be the man I deserve to be, the one that hopefully deserves her and her son as well.
The man I was trying to be when I took them in. The man I should have been all along.
And while I want Tate to see that that’s who I am, having her stare at me like this after an amazing day with the two of them has me a little terrified.
“I should—“
“Do you want to…” Tate smiles shyly, both of us speaking at the same time because this is a little awkward. “Sorry.”
“No, it’s fine, I was just…”Getting ready to bolt before I ruin a perfect day with my bullshit even though I know we need to talk.“What were you going to say?”
She pushes her hair behind her ears and looks up at me with beautiful dark eyes. “I was going to ask if you wanted to stay a little longer, maybe have a cup of coffee and spend a bit more time together, just the two of us.”
“Yeah?”
Tate nods.
“If it doesn’t interfere with your night or anything…”
“Not at all.”Fuck, she’s so pretty when she smiles at me like that.“I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”
The butterflies that had started to flutter in my gut suddenly turn into tornadoes, twisting my insides with so much anxiety it practically hurts, but I nod anyway because we have to do this. If I want a real shot at forever with this woman and her son—the two people I love more than anything—then we need to do this.
Tate walks past me toward the living room and I follow, my stomach in my throat and my heart on my sleeve. She pauses by the kitchen and arches a brow, but I shake my head and keep going toward the couch.
“Are you sure you don’t want anything? Coffee, tea… anything at all?”
“No thanks, I’m fine.” I sit down on the plush cushions and watch with rapt attention as Tate does the same.
She pulls the blanket we were using earlier over her lap as she faces me, then waits patiently for a few beats before she giggles. “This isn’t as easy as my therapist said it would be.”
“Yeah.” I blow out a breath and rub my palms along my thighs. Then her words sink in. “Your therapist?”
Tate nods. “I decided I needed to talk to someone, that I should try to work through everything that… everything that happened to me.” Then she blushes. “I wanted to better myself too, so I could be the best version of me for myself and James, but also…”
For us.
She doesn’t have to say it, neither of us need the words, but I know that’s what Tate meant and it gives me a hell of a lot of hope because it means we have the same goal in mind. We want to be better individually, but we want that so there can actually be a we, an us.
And I love that.
I love her.
But we have to get through this first, the love anduswill follow.
“So… how’s that going?” I relax into the couch a little, my tension easing a minuscule amount.
“Really well, actually. We’ve been working through a lot of what happened when I was in New York, and my therapist has been helping me recover my memories from before, the things I thought were dreams or made up as a coping mechanism.” Tate picks at the fringe on the blanket. “It’s been hard, but really good. I feel lighter, and she’s helping me get a handle on my anxiety.”
“That’s great. Really great. I’m glad to hear that.” I swallow hard as my fingers curl against my jeans. “I’ve been doing the same, actually.”
“So, you’re still seeing your counselor?”
I nod. “Not every day anymore, but I still go a few times a week if I need to, and I feel like it’s making a big difference.” Tate smiles and it’s in this moment, it’s the look on her face and the love I can see shining through, that makes me take a deep breath and blurt, “My grandfather… he molested me, abused me for a really long time.”
She inhales sharply and her eyes instantly well with tears, but my dark angel says nothing and waits for me to continue.
