Page 42 of Broken Warrior
“I’m not your property, Fin. Not some plaything for you whenever the mood strikes. I did that for years and I won’t do it again.”
I shake my head then lean and whisper in her ear. “You’re right,m’eudail. I don’t own you, you’re not my plaything, and I won’t stop you from living the life you deserve to build on your own. But it doesn’t change the fact that you’re mine, doesn’t change the fact thatyoufucking ownme. This is something I have to do for you because I won’t ever have the only part of you I desperately want, the only part you can give freely and take away just as quick.Wecan never happen, I will neverownany part of you, but it won’t stop me from doing this becauseyou own me.”
A tear slips down her cheek but she quickly wipes it away as Trent and the other dude approach. They talk but I just pretend to listen because my words are running on a loop in my head.
I want Tate in every way a man can want a woman, but above all of that, I want her heart. I want her heart because she’s fucking perfect and pure, beautiful and extraordinary.
I want her heart because I’ve already given her mine.
But since that can never happen, I’ll take my chances with the drugs and hope they put me out of my misery.
CHAPTEREIGHT
TATE
I’ve cometo the conclusion that despite the horrific circumstances I had grown accustomed to for fourteen years, when it comes to love, I got off easy.
I’ve never been in love before.
Never experienced love or lust.
Aside from James, Gino’s Nona, and maybe one or two of the girls I worked with in New York, I’ve never even experienced genuine affection or care from someone other than Dori.
Gino is a monster that even his father doesn’t love, so to expect me to fall for the man that held me captive since I was a child, beat me just as long, and then spent years essentially raping me because I never once wanted to have sex with him—I just stopped fighting because I was too afraid of what happened when I did—is absolutely absurd.
I honestly didn’t think I’d ever want to be with a man after everything I went through, didn’t think I’d want to let my guard down enough to even consider it, but it’s funny how things change when we least expect it.
All it took was one look into ice blue eyes and I felt that surge of lust ripple through my body like a current of electricity. And when that lust, something that is completely natural between people that share an attraction, turned into something more, something deeper, a longing I couldn’t quite figure out, well, I knew then that it didn’t matter that I thought I’d never fall in love with someone. You don’t have control over when or who you love, and the fact that I’ve fallen in love with Fin really shouldn’t come as a surprise to me or anyone else.
I can’t say that it’s because I’ve gotten to know him so well or anything, he’s still a mystery to me, but there’s a connection there, a deep-seated bond that rooted inside my soul and grew to be something so much more profound—more intense—than learning trivial things like favorite colors or foods you can’t stand to eat could have sprouted.
I fell for the way he cares for me effortlessly, unconditionally, the way he cares for my son as if he were his own. I fell for the selfless and gentle nature of the lethal giant known as Fin “Spider”MacAllister, and the more I’m around him, the more I see him, therealhim.
Ever since he walked into The Dollhouse a couple weeks ago, Fin has made good on his promise. He pays Trent thousands of dollars to occupy my time whether he’s there or not, and he is more often than he isn’t. When he’s there, Fin and I spend the entire time in a champagne room instead of the working the floor like I’m supposed to, and while I dance—he doesn’t want me to strip for him, which is a little bit of a blow to my ego honestly—we just talk about everything and nothing.
I fell for Fin before he started to open up, and now that he has I know for a fact that what I feel for him can only be described as love. It’s the only word that fits, but it’s slowly eating away at me because while he’s softened and allowed me to peel back his layers, Fin is clear that we can never be together.
Which is why I got off lucky for so long.
Never falling in love means I’ve never had to experience that kind of heartbreak, and let me tell you, it fucking sucks.
Heartbreak is for the birds.
I yawn as I pull into Fin’s driveway and park next to his bike. I only got off work a few short hours ago and I’m dog tired, but mostly because Fin didn’t come in and it made my shift drag on slowly. He’s here now though, so maybe I can convince him to eat breakfast with Nadine and I.
I snort.
Yeah right.
Nadine, bless her heart, has gotten a lot worse and it’s required more time from both Fin and I as well as a nurse he hired to help when I can’t. Fin’s mother has become more violent and angry, lost to her past far more than she’s present, and ninety percent of the time she has no idea who Fin is. Nadine’s total care at this point but still mobile, so she has wandered off several times and almost burned the house down just last week. I can’t bring James over anymore because of the way Nadine has been, and Fin switched to vaping, got rid of anything flammable in the house, and locked anything that might be used as a weapon in his room for the same reason. It’s really time for him to look into those assisted living facilities but he hasn’t even brought it up once and I’m worried.
I’m afraid, actually. Afraid that Nadine is going to hurt herself or Fin, or set the house on fire when he’s in bed. And with spring quickly transitioning into summer, she’s a lot antsier, more restless, and does nothing but pace away her days which could easily lead to her wandering off in a way she might not come back from.
So here I am, at six-thirty in the morning after taking a short nap at my apartment, ready to put my big girl panties on and help the man I love in the only way he’ll let me because I can’t do anything other than that.
Thankfully I only have to be here until about eleven when the new nurse, Harriet—who is in her mid-fifties, thank you very much—gets here, and she’ll be taking over for the rest of the day. I’ll leave here and pick up James, maybe take him out to lunch and pick up another Lego set because it’s all he wants to play with thanks to Fin, then pray my baby either goes down for a short nap or decides to go to bed early. I’m off the next two days and I cannot wait to spend some quality time with my son and maybe catch up on some sleep.
I use my key and let myself into Fin’s house, fight another yawn as I kick off my flip flops, and shed my flannel.
