“Then you’re also an idiot!” She scowls in my face, still nose to nose. “You may not see what I see, may not believe you’re anything more than what you think other people see you as, but the simple fact that you came back to protect me because you felt you should is enough to prove everyone wrong.”
I scowl right back. “I didn’t come back to protect because Ifeltlike I had to, I did it because Idohave to. I have to protect you because you’re in danger, and in order to do that, I need you to agree to pretend you’re my old lady so the club will help me. I have to protect you and I’m willing to endure faking my way to perfection, torturing myself with something I want but can never have, answering questions and living with the fact that it will all change the way you see me just so I can keep you safe.”
All the fight leaves Theo in an instant, her body language reflecting defeat. She pulls back and refuses to look at me and steps down off the table before she gives me her back.
“I appreciate your sense of duty, your willingness to keep me safe but I think...” Her shoulders bunch and she sniffles. “I think maybe you should just leave, Zak.”
I frown.
What the fuck? I have no idea what the hell just happened, but I don’t fucking like it.
“Theo.” I sigh. “It’s for your own good.”
She shakes her head and hugs herself tight. “It’s really not.”
“It is. Pretending to be my girl may not be your first choice, might make you a little sick to your stomach, but it’s the only way to keep you safe. It’ll only be for a few weeks at most, and once there isn’t a threat I’ll just leave and you won’t have to see me again.” Her shoulders touch her ears. “It won’t be so bad, and I swear I won’t—“
“No.”
“No?”
“No.” Theo sniffles again and my heart fucking squeezes. “I don’t want to pretend.”
A hot shock of anger swirls with heavy disappointment, both twisting and turning in my gut. I guess I was wrong about Theo. She’s no different from anyone else.
“Fine.” I snatch up my cap and yank it on my head. “If the idea of simplypretendingto be mine disgusts you enough to put your own safety at risk, then I’ll just leave you to your own devices.”Fuck man, why does her rejection hurt so goddamn bad?“Good luck, Blondie,” I grunt as I clomp down the hall and get ready to rip her door off the hinges just to get the hell out of her apartment quicker. “I’m sure you’ll manage well enough on your own.”
The second my hand lands on the deadbolt, something whizzes past my head, missing me by maybe an inch before it shatters against the door. I blink down at the broken vase, the bright yellow one that was god awful ugly sitting in a box next to her couch, now in a million pieces on the floor.
I turn slowly, my eyes wide, my mouth hanging open. Theo is at the end of the hall, her hands balled into fists with tears streaming down her face, but they aren’t able to hide the ferocity staring back at me.
“Did you just throw a fucking vase at my head?”
“Yes.”
“What the hell for?”
“Because!” she snaps. “Because you really are an idiot and I’m almost as tired of hearing you speak so poorly about yourself as I am having people talk over me and tell me what I’m thinking or feeling before they don’t let me speak for myself.”
I frown, square my stance, then motion for her to continue explaining as I cross my arms against my chest.
This should be good.
“Not for one single second since I first saw you have I thought you were anything but beautiful and perfect. I don’t give a shit about you being a felon or being a part of a motorcycle club that probably isn’t on the up and up. I don’t care that you’ve done horrible things, nor do I care that you have scars. You’ve been nothing but kind and protective, caring and sweet to me, so even if you didn’t look like a fucking gladiator sex god, your personality would make you the sexiest man alive, but since you do fucking look like that, it’s a double whammy!” Theo’s fists clench tighter. “And that’s exactly why I can’t pretend to be your girl.”
My brow furrows so hard I can practically lick my hairline. “I don’t get it.”
“Of course you don’t! You’re totally oblivious to how wonderful you are, and you have an even worse self-image than I do, so you don’t get shit.” She aggressively wipes her eyes and her adorable, upturned nose. “I’m nothing like the girls you’re used to and not just because I’m basically a menace to society by simply existing. I don’t look like other girls, and I definitely don’t act like them, so it’s completely foreign to you that someone like me couldn’t pretend to be with you because I genuinelywantto be with you. It’s stupid and silly, totally ridiculous really, because I’m not even a blip on your radar, but I can’t pretend because it wouldn’t be that for me.” Theo sniffles. “Itcouldn’tever be that for me because I already feel so drawn to you, so connected to you that it makes me actually miss you when you’re gone and that’s without getting to know you. If we spend time together under the pretense ofmake believe, no matter how good the reason, I’ll inevitably fall under your spell and when there isn’t a reason to pretend anymore, I’ll be the one totally heartbroken and worse off than I was when I had lunatic biker tweens hunting me down. I can’t pretend, Zak, because I wouldn’t be pretending.”
I don’t think I have ever smiled as fast or as hard as I am right now and it’s all because of this little pixie woman. Sure, Blondie is funny as hell, the whole lunatic biker tween comment was hilarious, but it’s more than that. I’m smiling because my Blondie, Theo, wants more than that, more than some fake hoax of a relationship. Theo doesn’t want to pretend becauseshe wants me.
Jesus, I had no idea what hearing that would do to me.
I haven’t been wanted in a meaningful way since... well, in a really long goddamn time and definitely not because of what I’m capable of doing for someone.
The club wants me because I’m lethal when it comes to our defense, and smart when it comes to strategizing our runs with Jackal. Yeah, they’ve become family, but they need me more than they want me and as for my best friend? I’m sure Jackal wants me around but I’m also sure I’m more like a security blanket at this point, the Dr. Jekyll to his Mr. Hyde—two sides of the same coin.
But here I am, standing in the apartment of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, the only woman to light my ass on fire and make my blood boil for all the right reasons, giving her a mile-long list of all the ways I’m not good enough to even know her and she still chooses to see the good in me, chooses to see what no one else has in a really long time. Theo wants me despite those things because she doesn’t see a freak or a felon. Theo actually seesme.
