I just nod.
I’m going to fucking cry over a virtual stranger and I don’t know if that makes me just plain crazy or the most pathetic human to ever live.
Why am I acting like this?
“See you around, Blondie.” He pushes my glasses up my nose, his finger ghosting over my cheek.
I swallow hard, my throat tight. “Good bye, Zak.”
Then he’s gone.
And for whatever reason, it feels like Zak took my heart with him.
Guess I’m just plain crazyandpathetic.
Giving my heart away to someone like Zak would be even more reckless than going to a biker bar. There’s just too much potential for it to get broken because Zak is a forever kind of guy, the one who changes your life and brands your soul.
Thinking I could have that with him when there are probably dozens of women just waiting for the day he decides to give his heart away to someone worthy makes me everything everyone has ever thought about me and more.
Hopelessly flawed and destined to be alone.
CHAPTERSIX
ZAK
I pushthrough the front door of the clubhouse with an entirely too high level of pissed off boiling in my veins, and when I hear Jackal reliving his weekend with Summer Valentine for the thousandth time over the last two and a half weeks, I finally snap.
“Would you just shut the fuck up about letting a lesbian fuck you in the ass with a strap on!” I slam my hand on the card table. “No one wants to hear about it anymore. Just like they don’t want to hear about how you fucked her in the ass and her pussy and her mouth. No one wants to hear about the number of times or the many ways you screwed her, just like no one gives a shit about how you picked up another chick on the way home and nailed Summer doggy style while she ate out that brunette.”
Jackal blinks up at me, his jaw slack.
“Just shut the fuck up, already. She’s not usually into dudes, she’s back in New York, and you probably won’t ever see her again, so fucking drop it!” I kick a chair out of my way, limp between the multiple couches, and stomp up the stairs to my room.
Was that little outburst totally out of line? Yeah, it fucking was, but I can’t seem to help it.
I’ve been wound so goddamn tight since that same weekend, it was bound to happen at some point and apparently Jackal was going to be on the receiving end of my explosion.
Since I walked out of her apartment that Saturday morning, Theo has unknowingly been wreaking havoc on my mind. I thought I was ready to give in, to stop fighting the strong as fuck attraction I have to her, the indescribable need she stirs in my chest. The desire to be with her, protect her, maybe share my life with her, but when she made the joke about being a part of the club it was like someone threw a bucket of ice water over my head while simultaneously kicking me in the nuts with a steel-toed boot.
No matter how bad I want her, Theo can never be a part of the club, never be a part of my life as anything more than the girl who’s completely unattainable for someone like me.
I’m physically scarred, though it didn’t even make her flinch.
I’m emotionally fucked up, plagued by nightmares that have led me down a path of destruction for most of my life.
I’m a fucking felon who runs guns for an MC that is full of murderers and psychos, overridden with the seediest of bastards who would love nothing more than to have a shot at someone as pure and sweet as Theo.
Are all of them like that? No, not really. The Executive Committee is made up of rough dudes with rougher exteriors that secretly harbor hearts of gold, but that being said, my lifestyle isn’t one that Theo needs to know exists let alone get up close and personal with.
So yeah, I took the cowards way out and just bolted after she nursed me back to health, washed my clothes and fed me an amazing fucking meal, but it’s for her own good. Theo doesn’t need someone like me in her life dragging her down to the depths of hell. Angels don’t belong with demons and never will.
But has that stopped me from stalking the hell out of her?
Nope.
Especially after what I found sitting on my bike when I left her apartment.
“What the fuck, man?” Jackal storms into my room. “You wanna explain what the hell just happened?”
