Page 82 of His Atonement
Nothing seemed to be wrong, but it felt off and as my worry began to grow, Cora started drilling me about what's been going on with me.
Now, Frankie and I have not been entirely absent since we mated, save for the first few days that directly followed and the three bad days she's had since. We've been to meals and functions at the main house, and have done things with our clan both on and off the property. I've still spent a good chunk of time with Cora, but despite being uncomfortably pregnant, she is a very powerful fae and has sensed the change in me since mating my darling girl.
She's asked about it several times, not the mating, but if something, or rathersomeone, new has created such a change in me but I've danced around answering her for the most part. However, I could not avoid it on Sunday.
As I became more anxious, as that feeling of dread grew in my gut, I had a hard time focusing on everything I was doing, including conversing with Havok and Cora, so when I answered my fiftieth question completely wrong she started drilling me for info.
Once again, I was able to avoid the truth for the most part, simply because I didn't want to deal with my sister’s wrath over not telling her I found my mate and performed the deed, but when I felt the sharp stab of pain—both physical and emotional—I leapt to my feet and took off out of her cabin. Something I definitely paid for later on.
When I got home though, gods, nothing had prepared me for what I saw.
Frankie had taken a baseball bat to all the windows, knocked out every last one, then moved to all of her framed photos. She pulled every last dish from the cabinets and smashed them all over the kitchen, overturned all of the furniture, and at one point must have taken a frying pan to her motorcycle because it was lying on its side under the overhang with the pan a few feet away.
The only things in the house that had not seen some kind of furious rage was Thor—who was happily oblivious and playing in the mud in his outdoor pigpen while his mummy went mad—and anything inside that pertained to me.
My clothes were still neatly organized in the wardrobe despite most of Frankie's strewn either all over the floor or in the fireplace. The lingerie I've bought for her went untouched, our toys still lined the shelves, and her bedding remained on the bed.
Even her bowl that I use—the hotdog in a bun—was the only thing left on the nightstand because she obviously threw her lamp and scattered the rest of its contents on the floor.
All of this was seen as I flew through the small space looking for her in about three point five seconds until I found that Frankie had locked herself in the bathroom.
I tried to be calm at first, soothe her through the door despite my racing heart, and when she did not respond, I began pounding on it.
That's when the water began to seep under the crack and I flipped the fuck out, broke down the door then almost had a stroke at what I saw.
Frankie was in the bathtub, the water still running and tainted red, head leaned against the back of the porcelain, a serene look on her face.
The only reason I knew she was not dead was because I did not feel it, didn't feel the crack in our bond her death would create, the hollow broken feeling it would cause. It did not mean she hadn't made an attempt on her own life though, and since I could see the red of her blood in the water, I knew something like that had taken place.
And once I pulled her from the tub and laid her on the floor, it was obvious Frankie was unresponsive for a reason.
So, knowing what little I do of mate bonds as they pertain to demons, I tapped into my knowledge of other mated pairs and hoped I was right as I forced my fangs to protrude, tore into my wrist and let my blood run over Frankie's lips, down into her mouth and throat.
She came to almost instantly.
The relief, gods the relief was so fucking great I just laid on the floor next to her, took Frankie in my arms and held her while she cried.
Once she was calm, I dried her off, made a fire in our bedroom and tucked her into bed before I went out to get Thor. I needed a minute, desperately needed a moment to collect myself before she explained what happened because my emotions were so raw that I feared I would do or say something that would hurt her.
Not to mention the possibility of losing her scared me shitless.
I am no great chef, I can cook very little but one thing I can make, something Cora taught me to make, is bacon Mac n cheese. So after I cleaned Thor up, I brought him to Frankie, told her I was going to fix dinner and asked her to rest until I returned.
This allowed me to sort through my feelings, and once again, my immense relief and unconditional love for Frankie won out, thankfully, so by the time I crawled into bed with her, comfort food and beer in hand, I was much calmer and felt ready to listen.
My darling mate, my beautiful Frankie, woke up with auditory hallucinations that continued for hours until she could no longer stand it.
She explained that they're always the voices of people she knows, usually people she cares a great deal for, and apparently she was hearing my voice as well as Allie's saying absolutely horrendous things about her, primarily that we did not love her and wished she were dead.
Of course that broke my fucking heart and made me feel like a total jackass, but Frankie said part of the fury she displayed was because even in the midst of an episode she can recognize it as just that, and knows neither of us feel that way. That's when my darling mate shared with me where the blood in the water came from.
Learning that Frankie cut herself, has a history of self harm as a coping mechanism, nearly destroyed me.
But I understood it, more than she actually knows, the way we seek relief from our burdens, turn to destructive and negative ways in order to deal with them.
Which is why I actually opened up to her about my need to smoke, what it stems from and the horrible things I did that caused my addictions.
It was a bold move, one that could have resulted in iron clad rejection, but Frankie, because she is truly extraordinary, simply said she understood where I was coming from too, loved me in spite of it, and decided our imperfections make us that much more perfect for each other.
